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In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do you think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages?

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do you think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages? AJGb3
In recent years, in several urban areas around the world, public parks are being turned into gardens where people in the neighbourhood can plant their desired kinds of greens and fruits. From my perspective, I am convinced that this is a positive trend and its advantages surpass its downsides. To commence with, it is undeniable that having agricultural sites in big cities brings about some inconvenience. The most significant drawback is that the overall appearance of the city, which is considered as a modern and spotless place, will be spoiled as gardening activities are quite dirty. For example, there will be dirt and mud on the street as people enter and leave the gardens or harvest their vegetables. Additionally, vegetables do not provide the tranquility and calm atmosphere that parks with a variety of trees have. However, I strongly believe that this development has more beneficial aspects than disadvantageous ones. The primary advantage is that this supplies citizens a clean and sustainable source of vegetables, which makes a huge contribution to their healthy lifestyle, as well as benefits them economically. Not only can city dwellers enjoy organic food that is good for their well-beings, but they can also set aside a great amount of money since purchasing greens from the market is not necessary anymore. In addition, the fact that people can grow plants in gardens in the middle of urban areas can support them mentally and hinder mental illnesses such as depression. Given that gardening is a calm and relaxing activity, people can either decompress and find a new hobby when doing this. All of which reduce the risk of being burnt out and depressed. In conclusion, it is true that replacing public parks with gardens renders some disadvantages. Nonetheless, I am of the opinion that the benefits of this trend eclipse its negative sides, in terms of health improvements and money saving.
In recent years, in several urban areas around the world, public parks are
being turned
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardens
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
can plant their desired kinds of greens and fruits. From my perspective, I
am convinced
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend and its advantages surpass its downsides.

To commence with, it is undeniable that having agricultural sites in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities brings about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inconvenience. The most significant drawback is that the
overall
appearance of the city, which
is considered
as a modern and spotless place, will
be spoiled
as gardening activities are quite dirty.
For example
, there will be dirt and mud on the street as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enter and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardens
or harvest their vegetables.
Additionally
, vegetables do not provide the tranquility and calm atmosphere that parks with a variety of trees have.

However
, I
strongly
believe that this development has more beneficial aspects than disadvantageous ones. The primary advantage is that this supplies citizens a clean and sustainable source of vegetables, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a huge contribution to their healthy lifestyle,
as well
as benefits them
economically
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can city dwellers enjoy organic food
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their well-beings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
set aside a great amount of money since purchasing greens from the market is not necessary anymore.
In addition
, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can grow plants in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardens
in the middle of urban areas can support them mentally and hinder mental illnesses such as depression.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that gardening is a calm and relaxing activity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can either decompress and find a new hobby when doing this. All of which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
being burnt
out and depressed.

In conclusion
, it is true that replacing public parks with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardens
renders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. Nonetheless, I am of the opinion that the benefits of this trend eclipse its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides, in terms of health improvements and money saving.
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IELTS essay In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do you think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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