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In recent years, many young people decide to further their study abroad.Do you think the advantages of studying abroad outweigh its disadvantages?

In recent years, many young people decide to further their study abroad. Do you think the advantages of studying abroad outweigh its disadvantages? j9qxy
Over the last several years, along with the rapid development of economy, an increasing number of parents have been sending their children to study abroad. A majority of people hold the view that studying abroad brings students many benefits, while others are of the opinion that students should finish university education in their motherland. It is quite natural that people from different backgrounds may have divergent attitudes towards it. Those who advocate that studying abroad has a lot of disadvantages have their sound reasons. First of all, living far away from home, students will suffer from loneliness and homesickness. Overseas students often feel disoriented and depressed for lack of adequate knowledge and understanding of the local customs and lifestyle. Secondly, many students do not want to return to their native country after graduation because most of them want to have a more comfortable life and a brighter future overseas. This may result in a serious brain-drain and our country will inevitably incur a huge loss of talents. To this issue, some other people hold a different attitude, arguing that students should go abroad to study. To begin with, it can broaden the students’ vision. They get a chance to experience a totally different culture. The knowledge of social customs acquired in other countries helps them become more open-minded. Next, there are academic advantages. Students can learn advanced science and technology. They receive a different education. The book resources are more up-to-date. The professors are aware of all the latest development in their fields. Therefore the standard of teaching is much higher. Moreover, when they finish their study abroad, they will have more choices for their future career. All the above merits are conducive to their self-betterment and self-realisation. For my part, I stand on the latter opinion that while overseas study has its drawbacks, the advantages are more obvious. It can broaden one’s horizon. Students have easy access to the first-rate facilities and the latest development in science and technology. In addition, when they finish their study, they have more job opportunities. Therefore, as long as it is financially feasible, an overseas education may do a person more good than harm.
Over the last several years, along with the rapid development of economy, an increasing number of parents have been sending their children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
. A majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the view that studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, while others are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should finish university education in their motherland. It is quite natural that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
backgrounds may have divergent attitudes towards it. Those who advocate that studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
disadvantages have their sound reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, living far away from home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will suffer from loneliness and homesickness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel disoriented and depressed for lack of adequate knowledge and understanding of the local customs and lifestyle.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not want to return to their native country after graduation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of them want to have a more comfortable life and a brighter future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
. This may result in a serious brain-drain and our country will
inevitably
incur a huge loss of talents.

To this issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
attitude, arguing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it can broaden the
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students’
vision. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to experience a
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
culture. The knowledge of social customs acquired in other countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them become more open-minded.
Next
, there are academic advantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can learn advanced science and technology. They receive a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
education. The book resources are more up-to-date. The professors are aware of all the latest development in their fields.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the standard of teaching is much higher.
Moreover
, when they finish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
, they will have more choices for their future career. All the above merits are conducive to their self-betterment and
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-realisation
. For my part, I stand on the latter opinion that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
has its drawbacks, the advantages are more obvious. It can broaden one’s horizon.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
have easy access to the
first
-rate facilities and the latest development in science and technology.
In addition
, when they finish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, they have more job opportunities.
Therefore
, as long as it is
financially
feasible, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
education may do a person more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
than harm.
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IELTS essay In recent years, many young people decide to further their study abroad. Do you think the advantages of studying abroad outweigh its disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
361 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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