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In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development P33w
Recently, buyers are preferring to shop from big shopping hubs or malls resulting, close-down of traditional shopping stores. This is a negative development because it is the source of income for small vendors and products are costly in big malls. The biggest problem arise with the development of malls is that it is curtailing the source of revenue generation of penny shopkeepers. Small vendors are usually engaged in departmental or grocery stores and do not focus on expanding their business. Addition to it, entire family expense is also fulfilling from that single source of income and their children also join their parents to run it in traditional manner. For example, in India, 60% of grocery stores’ owner running the shop which is started by their ancestors.
Recently, buyers
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
to shop from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
shopping hubs or malls resulting, close-down of traditional shopping stores. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the source of income for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
vendors and products are costly in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
malls.

The biggest problem arise with the development of malls is that it is curtailing the source of revenue generation of penny shopkeepers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Small
vendors are
usually
engaged in departmental or grocery stores and do not focus on expanding their business. Addition to it, entire family expense is
also
fulfilling from that single source of income and their children
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their parents to run it in traditional manner.
For example
, in India, 60% of grocery stores’ owner running the shop which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by their ancestors.

IELTS essay In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
126 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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