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In some countries an increasing number of children are overweigh as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In some countries an increasing number of children are overweigh as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. with this opinion? 2DDj
In today’s world we can witness that children from all over the world are leading a busy and stressful routine. Such a hectic lifestyle is affecting their overall physical health in many ways, and furthermore, the readily available fast food is adding to that cause. Few countries are seeing a growth in number of children being overweight with an opinion that government should put a stop to selling of fast food in schools. I agree that the government should ban selling of such ready to eat foods in schools. A young child in the prime of growing age needs a healthy and balanced diet. The foods such as pizzas, burgers and et cetera do not add any nutritional value, and moreover the added preservatives deteriote the health further. Instead the growing child needs to be provided with home-made meals, green salads and fruits which will help in building a good immunity with strong defense mechanism to fight off various diseases. But overall responsibility does not lie with the government alone. The parents also play a crucial part in controlling the fast food comsumption. Being the first teachers to their offspings, they should advise them with understandable reasons to stop eating such junk food. These days at almost all theatres and public places we find unhealthy food being served, and therefore, parents have an important role in guiding their young ones about the ill effects of such foods. Moreover, they should give them heathy home-cooked food so that the child can develop a taste and good eating habits in the long term. To conclude, its agreeable that the government should initiate and ban fast foods from the school but it should not be made wholly responsible. The parenst should also step up and share the responsibility of educating and inculcating good eating practices in their children. Neither government nor parents can alone solve the menance that fast food has created amongst young children these days. Both need to work hand-in-hand to have healthy younger generation.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world we can witness that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from all over the world are leading a busy and stressful routine. Such a hectic lifestyle is affecting their
overall
physical health in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, and
furthermore
, the
readily
available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is adding to that cause. Few countries are seeing a growth in number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being overweight with an opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should put a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to selling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in schools.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should ban selling of such ready to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in schools. A young child in the prime of growing age needs a healthy and balanced diet. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
such as pizzas, burgers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
et cetera
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
any nutritional value, and
moreover
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
preservatives
Possible spelling mistake found.
deteriote
the health
further
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
the growing child needs to
be provided
with home-made meals, green salads and fruits which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in building a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
immunity with strong defense mechanism to fight off various diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
overall
responsibility does not lie with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
alone.

The parents
also
play a crucial part in controlling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Possible spelling mistake found.
comsumption
. Being the
first
teachers to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
offspings
, they should advise them with understandable reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
eating such junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. These days at almost all
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and public places we find unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
being served
, and
therefore
, parents have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in guiding their young ones about the ill effects of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Moreover
, they should give them
Possible spelling mistake found.
heathy
home-cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the child can develop a taste and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
eating habits in the long term.

To conclude
, its agreeable that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should initiate and ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
from the school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not
be made
wholly responsible. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
parenst
should
also
step up and share the responsibility of educating and inculcating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
eating practices in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Neither
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
nor parents can alone solve the
Possible spelling mistake found.
menance
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has created amongst young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days. Both need to work hand-in-hand to have healthy younger generation.
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IELTS essay In some countries an increasing number of children are overweigh as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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