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In past purchasing goods was a routine process but nowadays it changed as a hobby. How extend it is a positive thing.

In past purchasing goods was a routine process but nowadays it changed as a hobby. How extend it is a positive thing. 1nRQA
We are dwelling through the 21st century, it is considered as modern era. In the modern era globalization plays a major role in the world. In earlier days purchasing things was a routine process, although people on this generation considering that as hobby. I think it creates a positive impact on Nation growth and business sectors. To begin with, purchasing the overseas goods helps for the development of nation. People need to pay a small amount of money as tax when they purchase goods. This may lead to the improvement of the nation. With the help of tax money government GDP will also raise. For example, Amazon rose 5 percent GDP of UK in last decade. In short, making the shopping as a hobby improves the nation wealth. Moreover, with the help of buying goods develops the business sectors. When the people think it as a hobby of buying things; however, it raises the amount of goods purchasing. Which may leads to the business sector with a better profit. For instance, studies state that online purchasing application shows a rise of 70 percent in the profit last year. Therefore, improving the amount of purchase the profits will also raise for business. In conclusion, in the modern world globalization plays a major role. In ancient time people used to buy products as daily habits; however, in this new world that changed as a part of hobby. This essay discussed how it create positive development in nation wealth and business. I completely agree that it is a positive development.
We are dwelling through the 21st century, it
is considered
as modern era. In the modern era globalization plays a major role in the world. In earlier days purchasing things was a routine process, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on this generation considering that as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nation
growth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
sectors.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, purchasing the overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need to pay a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of money as tax when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
. This may lead to the improvement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of tax money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
GDP will
also
raise.
For example
, Amazon rose 5 percent GDP of UK in last decade. In short, making the shopping as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
wealth.

Moreover
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
develops the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
sectors. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
of buying things;
however
, it raises the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
purchasing.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
may leads to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
sector with a better profit.
For instance
, studies state that online purchasing application
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a rise of 70 percent in the profit
‘last year’ indicates a finished event of the past. Please check the predicate's tense.
last year
.
Therefore
, improving the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the profits will
also
raise for business.

In conclusion
, in the modern world globalization plays a major role. In ancient time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
products as daily habits;
however
, in this new world that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
. This essay discussed how it
Did you mean "creates"?
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
wealth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
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IELTS essay In past purchasing goods was a routine process but nowadays it changed as a hobby. How extend it is a positive thing.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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