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In nowaday, we have dealt so many diseases like Corona virus,… But one of the most serious diseases that effect to the kids in particular and adults in general are the obese.

In nowaday, we have dealt so many diseases like Corona virus, … But one of the most serious diseases that effect to the kids in particular and adults in general are the obese. 7rkpY
While, obesity cause a lot of problem to our health. Firstly, it reduces the body’s immune system because obesity always makes the body in a state of chronic inflammation. On the other hand, it could lead us to osteoarthirtis. When we have obesity, because of that we may have some kind of sickness like prone to osteoarthritis, osteoporosis, constant pain due to body weight putting pressure on bones and joints. While Knee and spine joints will be injured the earliest. At the research, the scientist have shown that the amount of insulin and sugar in obese people blood is lower than normal people so that why people with diabetes are mostly obese. On the other hand, there are so many different ways to lose weights. One of the best way is to do exercise more and apply diet menu a serious way. This could include playing sports or doing gyms. While rich people could easily get rid of these weight by liposuction. But, one of the most important thing when you lost your weight is to keep your mind not actract to oily food
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, obesity cause
Possible agreement error. The noun problem seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of problems".
a lot of problem
to our health.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the body’s immune system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
obesity always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the body in a state of chronic inflammation.
On the other hand
, it could lead us to
Possible spelling mistake found.
osteoarthirtis
. When we have obesity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that we may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of sickness like prone to osteoarthritis, osteoporosis, constant pain due to body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
putting pressure on bones and joints. While Knee and spine joints will
be injured
the earliest.

At the research, the scientist have shown that the amount of insulin and sugar in obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
blood is lower than normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with diabetes are
mostly
obese.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weights
. One of the best
Please check whether a plural form of 'way' should be used.
way
is to do exercise more and apply diet menu a serious way. This could include playing sports or doing gyms.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
by liposuction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing when you lost your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
your mind not
Possible spelling mistake found.
actract
to oily food
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IELTS essay In nowaday, we have dealt so many diseases like Corona virus, … But one of the most serious diseases that effect to the kids in particular and adults in general are the obese.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
183 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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