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In near future it is expected that the proportion of older people will be higher than that of young people in many developed countries. What are the positive or negative effects of this development?

In near future it is expected that the proportion of older people will be higher than that of young people in many developed countries. What are the positive or negative effects of this development? 2Jex
Aging society has been the interesting issue since we have seen a plethora of elders in the country these days. Although some people attach that to become aging society, it provides only negative effect to the nation. In my point of views, it has both negative and positive about this issue. On the one hand, the principal reason many people have a negative attitude towards older people is that a country will lose its domestic labor which means the land would have less national income. Moreover, increasing a proportion of senior citizens is affecting on expenditures of the nation. For instance, In Thailand, there a large number of elderly citizens who have been abandoned. Thus, the government has to spend an amount of budget to construct nursing homes. On the other hand, having a plethora of older people in a country reflecting a good healthcare and environment in the nation. Furthermore, those people could replace in a job that no need to be young people to do. For example, in Japan, a country which considered to be an aging society these days. They have a number of older persons but the government allocate those people to work in a career such as cashier in the museum which no need a powerful person to do. Besides, they can hire elders in the cheaper salary. In conclusion, although some people attach that they provide only a negative effect to have many elderly citizens in the country. I believe that older people could also give an advantage to our country.
Aging society has been the interesting issue since we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a plethora of elders in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
these days. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attach that to become aging society, it provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effect to the nation. In my point of views, it has both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
about this issue.

On the one hand, the principal reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will lose its domestic labor which means the land would have less national income.
Moreover
, increasing a proportion of senior citizens is affecting on expenditures of the nation.
For instance
, In Thailand, there
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
elderly citizens who have
been abandoned
.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend an amount of budget to construct nursing homes.

On the other hand
, having a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
reflecting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
healthcare and environment in the nation.
Furthermore
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could replace in a job that no need to be young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do.
For example
, in Japan, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which considered to be an aging society these days. They have a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
persons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
allocate those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work in a career such as cashier in the museum which no need a powerful person to do.
Besides
, they can hire elders in the cheaper salary.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attach that they provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effect to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
elderly citizens in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
also
give an advantage to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay In near future it is expected that the proportion of older people will be higher than that of young people in many developed countries. What are the positive or negative effects of this development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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