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In my country, young people have a better life today than their parents enjoyed when they were young

In my country, young people have a better life today than their parents enjoyed when they were young XxXO
The world has changed a lot since our parents were young. Today’s generation has all necessary commodities that our parents did not have. In my opinion our lifestyle is superior to the one they enjoyed at the time. To begin with, nowadays teenagers enjoy a lot more leisure time which makes our lives more fulfilling and enables us to follow our passions. For example, today people can get more paid time off from their jobs than our parents could possibly get by the time they were still employed. Moreover, we can schedule our holiday as I wish. Secondly, society provides more opportunities for women these days. In the past women had a tough time achieving personal and professional success. They were expected to raise children and be a homemaker. But now it is much easier for them to follow their dreams and have the opportunity to develop themselves. In conclusion, I strongly believe that teenagers have better lives than people had just a few decades ago. This is because we enjoy much more leisure time. Also, women today have many more opportunities than they did in the past.
The world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot since our parents were young.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s generation has all necessary commodities that our parents did not have. In my opinion our lifestyle is superior to the one they enjoyed at the time.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
enjoy a lot more leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more fulfilling and enables us to follow our passions.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off from their jobs than our parents could
possibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they were
still
employed.
Moreover
, we can schedule our holiday as I wish.

Secondly
, society provides more opportunities for women these days. In the past women had a tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
achieving personal and professional success. They were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to raise children and be a homemaker.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is much easier for them to follow their dreams and have the opportunity to develop themselves.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few decades ago. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we enjoy much more leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Also
, women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more opportunities than they did in the past.
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IELTS essay In my country, young people have a better life today than their parents enjoyed when they were young

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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