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The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. 32em
The twentieth century has bought with it much advancement in the society. People discovered a different way of entertainment with the assistance of mobile video games. I believe that it can demolish the creativity of person coupled up with several unwanted diseases such as eyesight loss etc. Further, I would like to elucidate my viewpoint in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, a number of simulated unique games designed by companies are harmful to individuals. For example, hungry shark, they provide the real life tasks to children such as jump from stairs, building to exceed their adventurous limit. Moreover, the last task of this game is to cut your forearm by knife to enhance your pain bearing capacity. A plethora of masses followed the game and prone to death. As a result, government had banned this game forever owing to the fact of safety of their citizens. Moreover, people devote super abundance time on these hand held games, which results in losing their eyesight in adolescent age. Furthermore, children compromise their meals at the expense of these games. Earlier, we used to go in the park and play outdoor games like cricket, tennis which enhanced our creative skills and strategic knowledge. Now a days, individuals have sedentary lifestyle that leads to obese. By way of conclusion, I believe that excess utilization of these devices can pose a threat to the mankind. It will destroy the rituals of society by alienating people in a box room. Instead of spending the precious time on these platforms, we can acquire skills by engrossing ourselves into physical tasks.
The twentieth century has
bought
with it much advancement in the society.
People
discovered a
different
way of entertainment with the assistance of mobile video
games
. I believe that it can demolish the creativity of person coupled up with several unwanted diseases such as eyesight loss etc.
Further
, I would like to elucidate my viewpoint in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
begin
with, a number of simulated unique
games
designed by
companies
are harmful to individuals.
For example
, hungry shark, they provide the real life tasks to children such as jump from stairs, building to exceed their adventurous limit.
Moreover
, the last task of this game is to
cut
your forearm by knife to enhance your pain bearing capacity. A plethora of masses followed the game and prone to death.
As a result
,
government
had banned this game forever owing to the fact of safety of their citizens.

Moreover
,
people
devote super abundance time on these hand held
games
, which results in losing their eyesight in adolescent age.
Furthermore
, children compromise their meals at the expense of these
games
. Earlier, we
used
to go in the park and play outdoor
games
like cricket, tennis which enhanced our creative
skills
and strategic knowledge.
Now a days
, individuals have sedentary lifestyle that leads to obese.

By way of conclusion, I believe that excess utilization of these devices can pose a threat to the mankind. It will
destroy
the rituals of society by alienating
people
in a box room.
Instead
of spending the precious time on these platforms, we can acquire
skills
by engrossing ourselves into physical tasks.
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IELTS essay The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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