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In modern society, there are lots of jobs which help the country develop. When I grow up, I want to be a doctor in order to help sick people I think that healthy is an important factor in the world and a doctor will be the person who helps people ensure their health.

In modern society, there are lots of jobs which help the country develop. When I grow up, I want to be a doctor in order to help sick people I think that healthy is an important factor in the world and a doctor will be the person who helps people ensure their health. x85r1
In modern society, there are lots of jobs which help the country develop. When I grow up, I want to be a doctor to help sick people I think that health is an important factor in the world and a doctor will be the person who helps people ensure their health. Besides, health is power therefore doctor brings happiness to several disappointed families. Doctors are often said to be "second mothers" because of save a lot of lives. Although It's not easy to become a doctor have to learn for at least 9 years or even almost your life. But I will never give up my dream, I try my best to become a good doctor who saves a lot of lives and helps the country increase prosperity.
In modern society, there are lots of jobs which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the country develop. When I grow up, I want to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that health is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in the world and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
will be the person who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ensure their health.
Besides
, health is power
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
brings happiness to several disappointed families.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doctors
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said to be
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
second mothers
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Although It's not easy to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn for at least 9 years or even almost your life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I will never give up my dream, I try my best to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
who saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the country increase prosperity.

IELTS essay In modern society, there are lots of jobs which help the country develop. When I grow up, I want to be a doctor in order to help sick people I think that healthy is an important factor in the world and a doctor will be the person who helps people ensure their health.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
128 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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