Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. pRREa
The average age of human population in many parts of the world is increasing significantly. In its turn, this may lead to the availability of public healthcare becoming unsustainable. Many believe that people need to pay for their healthcare in advance. I completely agree with this belief and think that it is quite a responsible and important decision to secure your future. Firstly, despite it is the governmental duty to take care of every individual, it can be quite difficult to ensure good treatment for everyone due to many reasons. The most common reason for this is when the country experiences some sort of a crisis and, therefore, lack of money. This may severely affect the healthcare quality and deprive many people of available medication or treatment. For example, during 2009, when America had one of the biggest crises of all time, many people died simply because they could not get an appropriate cure for their disease as many pharmacies and hospitals ran out of affordable medications and doctors. This proves, that the government is not always ready to provide everyone with available treatment at any time. That is why people need to rely on themselves and think of their future. The only way to completely guarantee good healthcare for your future self is to start funding money in it. That way you can improve the healthcare system in your country in general and be sure that you will be treated well by the time you need it. To conclude, I believe that it is essential for people to rely on themselves regarding their future and as the government cannot always provide good healthcare for its nation. So, people should start paying for their healthcare in advance.
The average age of human population in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world is increasing
significantly
. In its turn, this may lead to the availability of public healthcare becoming unsustainable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to pay for their healthcare in advance. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this belief and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is quite a responsible and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decision to secure your future.

Firstly
, despite it is the governmental duty to take care of every individual, it can be quite difficult to ensure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
treatment for everyone due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. The most common reason for this is when the country experiences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
If 'sort' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "sort of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
sort of a
crisis and,
therefore
, lack of money. This may
severely
affect the healthcare quality and deprive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of available medication or treatment.
For example
, during 2009, when America had one of the biggest crises of all time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an appropriate cure for their disease as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pharmacies and hospitals ran out of affordable medications and doctors. This proves, that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is not always ready to provide everyone with available treatment at any time.

That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to rely on themselves and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of their future. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to completely guarantee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
healthcare for your future self is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
funding money in it. That way you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the healthcare system in your country
in general
and be sure that you will
be treated
well by the time you need it.

To conclude
, I believe that it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to rely on themselves regarding their future and as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cannot always provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
healthcare for its nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
paying for their healthcare in advance.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?