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In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A substantial rise in public healthcare expenditure is unbearable for many countries in the world. This essay will fully agree that fast ageing of the people have given birth to over the top cost of health related facilities. Firstly, I will explore the issues which pertain to growth in old age population and secondly what I believe should be done in order to fix this. The population explosion right after the 19th century has been seen in almost every nation. Due to advancement of medical science, it is easier to save human from fatal disease such as Cholera, Marasmus or Jaundice. Thus, decrease in mortality rate and increase in old age group. Although, this increase is not in sync with improved healthcare system. Drop in count of doctors, nurses and paramedic teams lead to scarcity and hence inflation in medical services. In addition to it, healthcare equipments are getting costlier day by day as the new technique comes in for treatment of diseases. Furthermore, governments of various countries have not increased their budget for public healthcare and let the citizens clinging to health insurance types schemes. For example, in Canada and France, the public healthcare is free of cost. Same model should be implemented by every administration. Recent economic downfall, specifically in 1980, 2008 and 2015 have led to sky rocketing price in private hospitals and local clinics. In conclusion, I believe there should be change in way in which global healthcare markets functions. Medical education should be given subsidies and encourage among young students so that medical staff rise. Public hospitals should be given the special privileges from governments.
A substantial rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
healthcare expenditure is unbearable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in the world.

This essay will
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
Possible spelling mistake. ‘ageing’ is British English.
ageing
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
birth to over the top cost of health related facilities.
Firstly
, I will explore the issues which pertain to growth in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age population and
secondly
what I believe should
be done
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
this.

The population explosion right after the 19th century has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in almost every nation. Due to advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
science, it is easier to save human from fatal disease such as Cholera,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Marasmus
or Jaundice.
Thus
, decrease in mortality rate and increase in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age group.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, this increase is not in sync with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
healthcare system. Drop in count of doctors, nurses and paramedic teams lead to scarcity and
hence
inflation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
services.
In addition
to it, healthcare equipments are getting costlier day by day as the new technique
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in for treatment of diseases.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of various countries have not increased their budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
healthcare and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the citizens clinging to health insurance types schemes.
For example
, in Canada and France, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
healthcare is free of cost. Same model should
be implemented
by every administration. Recent economic downfall,
specifically
in 1980, 2008 and 2015 have led to
This word is normally spelled as one.
sky rocketing
price in private hospitals and local clinics.

In conclusion
, I believe there should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in way in which global healthcare markets functions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Medical
education should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
subsidies and encourage among young students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
staff rise.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
hospitals should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the special privileges from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
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IELTS essay In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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