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some people believe that party is good for entertainment while some think it's a wastage of money and time.discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Entertainment is part and parcel of our life. It is a widely accepted belief that partying with family and friends is quite essential for making our life joyful. However, some masses argue that it is a wastage of vital resources like time and money. This essay will elucidate both the opinions and further would substantiate my own opinion in the concluding paragraph below. At the outset, there are several factors which prove that parties are profound to fill our life with entertainment. Firstly, it is one of the best source to meet with our friends and families and spend fantastic time with them together. This point can be justified with the help of an example. 70 percent of the people in India are long lived as they meet their near and dear ones occasionally and are cheerful. Secondly, parties also provide a path to follow our passion for sometime and relaxes our mind. If I may present it in terms of statistics, 40 percent of the people in US dance to their favourite dance numbers when they are out for some get together. On the contrary, there are several considerations as well which signifies that parties are a complete means of draining our money and time. Primarily, affording a lavish party is not economical which results the youth spending large amount of their savings. This money could otherwise be utilised in some vital causes like charities, education and paying heavy college fees. For instance, 60 percent of the youth in US are college dropouts as they can't afford to pay the University fees. Secondarily, the time spent on parties is not less than 4-5 hours which may vary from person to person. This time is not utilised adequately as the outcome of these occasions is null. To recapitulate, parties are essential for the change in our lives. In my opinion, they are not as profound as they drain away our hard earned money just in a flick of time. We should not bolster their growth in future.
Entertainment is part and parcel of our life. It is a
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
belief that partying with family and friends is quite essential for making our life joyful.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses argue that it is a wastage of vital resources like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This essay will elucidate both the opinions and
further
would substantiate my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion in the concluding paragraph below. At the outset, there are several factors which prove that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
are profound to fill our life with entertainment.
Firstly
, it is one of the best source to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with our friends and families and spend fantastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them together. This point can
be justified
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of an example. 70 percent of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in India are long
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their near and dear ones
occasionally
and are cheerful.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
also
provide a path to follow our passion for sometime and relaxes our mind. If I may present it in terms of statistics, 40 percent of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in US dance to their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favourite’ is British English.
favourite
dance numbers when they are out for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together.
On the contrary
, there are several considerations
as well
which signifies that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
are a complete means of draining our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Primarily
, affording a lavish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
is not economical which results the youth spending large amount of their savings. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could
otherwise
be
Possible spelling mistake. ‘utilised’ is British English.
utilised
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vital causes like charities, education and paying heavy college fees.
For instance
, 60 percent of the youth in US are college dropouts as they can't afford to pay the University fees.
Secondarily
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
is not less than 4-5 hours which may vary from person to person. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is not
Possible spelling mistake. ‘utilised’ is British English.
utilised
adequately
as the outcome of these occasions is null. To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
are essential for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In my opinion, they are not as profound as they drain away our
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
hard earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in a flick of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. We should not bolster their growth
The phrase ‘in future’ is British English. Did you mean: “in the future”?
in future
.
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IELTS essay some people believe that party is good for entertainment while some think it's a wastage of money and time.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
337 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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