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In many parts of the world, many women still suffer from domestic violence. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?

In many parts of the world, many women still suffer from domestic violence. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest? eAmd7
In recent years, family violence is becoming alarmed which many women still suffer from. To discuss, this essay will show the causes of this problem is that the low level of gender equality as the unbalances of social community forms of gender and the backwardness level of education about experience of sexual violence. In addition, this essay will provide the solution is that the influence and activities of the organization about equal gender and provide knowledge in the education system about domestic violence. Admittedly, it is apparent that there are several reasons for domestic violence. Chief of this is that the low level of gender equality in social life. Because of community norms is the privilege and ascribe for men is higher than women that people have thought to value men above women that lead to female maltreatment. Take, in Ethiopia, half of all women have experienced physical or sexual violence at least once in their lifetime. Moreover, it is a low level of education about gender equality. This is because many children still see witnessing family violence in their house which can lead to the same condition in their future. To solve this problem, organizations about equal gender have to work, use their impact and activities to restrict domestic violence with the policy about sexism. Such as, they can have a hotline to help women if they are facing family violence. In addition, education has an important role that providing students knowledge about gender-equal. If students have enough information about sexism, female chauvinism, domestic violence can be decreased in future. In conclusion, the number of women who have to face with domestic violence is a large number. With several reasons of this problem is that the low level of sexism and the shortcoming of education about gender-equal. However it has solutions that is activities and effect of organizations and provide students full knowledge about family violence.
In recent years,
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family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is becoming alarmed which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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women
still
suffer from. To discuss, this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the causes of this problem is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of gender equality as the unbalances of social community forms of gender and the backwardness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
about experience of sexual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
In addition
, this essay will provide the solution is that the influence and activities of the organization about equal gender and provide knowledge in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
violence.

Admittedly
, it is apparent that there are several reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. Chief of this is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of gender equality in social life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of community norms is the privilege and ascribe for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
is higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to value
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
that lead to female maltreatment. Take, in Ethiopia, half of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have experienced physical or sexual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
at least once in their lifetime.
Moreover
, it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
about gender equality. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
witnessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
which can lead to the same condition in their future.

To solve this problem, organizations about equal gender
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their impact and activities to restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
with the policy about sexism. Such as, they can have a hotline to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
if they are facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role that providing students knowledge about gender-equal. If students have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
information about sexism, female chauvinism,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
can
be decreased
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

In conclusion
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is a large number. With several reasons of this problem is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of sexism and the shortcoming of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
about gender-equal.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it has solutions
that is
activities and effect of organizations and provide students full knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
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IELTS essay In many parts of the world, many women still suffer from domestic violence. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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