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In many parts of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this positive development or a negative development?

In many parts of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this positive development or a negative development? 0AlX9
It is argued that, youngesters are given more freedom than in the earlier time, in a number of portions in the globle. Personally, I think that, this is a pessimistic development and this essay will discuss the related aspects in detail. To begin with, one evident disadvantage of this trend is that, after getting little freedom children become more arrogant and do not behave politely with elders. For example, in a number of Western nations children are living seprately from their parents and for them the respects towards thier parents are dwindling gradually. Moreover, they also tend to be behave very rudely with their guardians later in their life. As a result, parents feel lonely in their 70s and 80s. Before this modernize era, children were behave genteally with other members of society than now. Thus, children are not capable enough to learn etiqutte from their parents, if they got freedom. Furthermore, another disadvantage of freedom is that, they might be go on wrong way. In other words, teenagers maybe started smoking weeds, ciggaratte, drinking alcohol, taking drugs, and so on. As a repercussion, children might be fall prey to severe diseases such as cancers, physical weakness later in their life. In addition, they also started eating more and more junk foods as they don't have much percepation that, it is injurious to their helath, eventually, they might gain too much wait and suffer from obesity in their future, if they don't have any control on food. Hence, it can be seen as negative development for their physical health. In conclusion, individuals have to seen this development as a pessimistic because of freedom it affects one's not only physical well-being but also psychological well-being in long run.
It
is argued
that,
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngesters
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
than in the earlier time, in a number of portions in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
globle
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, this is a pessimistic development and this essay will discuss the related aspects in detail.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one evident disadvantage of this trend is that, after getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become more arrogant and do not behave
politely
with elders.
For example
, in a number of Western nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are living
Possible spelling mistake found.
seprately
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and for them the respects towards
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are dwindling
gradually
.
Moreover
, they
also
tend to be
Consider using a past participle here: "behaved".
behave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rudely
with their guardians later in their life.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
feel lonely in their 70s and 80s.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
this modernize era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were
Consider using a past participle here: "behaved".
behave
Possible spelling mistake found.
genteally
with other members of society than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to learn
Possible spelling mistake found.
etiqutte
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
freedom.

Furthermore
, another disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
is that, they might be
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
go
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
maybe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
smoking weeds,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ciggaratte
, drinking alcohol, taking drugs, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. As a repercussion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might be fall prey to severe diseases such as cancers, physical weakness later in their life.
In addition
, they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
eating more and more junk foods as they don't have much
Possible spelling mistake found.
percepation
that, it is injurious to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
helath
,
eventually
, they might gain too much wait and suffer from obesity in their future, if they don't have any control on food.
Hence
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development for their physical health.

In conclusion
, individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
this development as a pessimistic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
it affects one's not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physical well-being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
psychological well-being in long run.
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IELTS essay In many parts of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this positive development or a negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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