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In many parts of the world children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is the case happening? How should children or teenagers be punished?

It is considered by some that the high rate of juvenile delinquency is linked to the aggression displayed by the media. In my opinion, violence portrayed by the media does play a key role in the escalating rate of crimes committed by youth; however, I also believe that video game violence contributes to this issue. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with juvenile crime. Young adults are highly influenced by the media; since the media often shows that heroes are violent and are rewarded for their behaviour, they become role models for youth. In other words, young adults try to imitate the behavior they see believing it makes them "cool" to carry weapons and resolve their issues through aggression. Additionally, children who watch television become desensitised to violence and they come to see it as a way of life. Hence, vulnerable youth who have been victimized maybe tempted to commit crimes as means of resolving problems. The impact of violent video games on adolescents is another important reason ascribing to the increase of juvenile delinquency. The atrocities and brutalities exhibited by many video games have destructive influences on the behavior of teenagers making them more hostile. To illustrate, studies have shown that some video games can alter the brain chemistry and have an effect on the development of children causing them to become addicted to the game and developing aggressive behavior. Thus, when these youth go out in the real-world, some attempt to re-enact those games without thinking of the consequences. There are a few effective solutions to the crimes committed by juveniles. Parents should supervise their children and monitor their actions. Adolescents should not be excessively exposed to violence. Mentoring and educating young adults about the consequences of their actions is also crucial. Another effective solution is to provide counselling and therapy for troubled children and teenagers who have had problems in the past and have a hard time dealing with them. All of the above points should be implemented to successfully decrease juvenile crime. In conclusion, supervising, guiding and providing help for youth who are exposed to too much violence is vital to decrease the crime rate and for their overall well-being.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the high rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
delinquency
is linked
to the aggression displayed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
portrayed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
does play a key role in the escalating rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
;
however
, I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
contributes to this issue. There are a number of solutions which should
be implemented
to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
crime.

Young adults are
highly
influenced by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
; since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that heroes are violent and
are rewarded
for their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
, they become role models for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
.
In other words
, young adults try to imitate the behavior they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
believing it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
Use a smart opening quote here.
"
cool
Use a smart closing quote here.
"
to carry weapons and resolve their issues through aggression.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television become
Possible spelling mistake. ‘desensitised’ is British English.
desensitised
to
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
violence and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it as a way of life.
Hence
, vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
been victimized
maybe tempted to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
as means of resolving problems.

The impact of violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on adolescents is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason ascribing to the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
delinquency. The atrocities and brutalities exhibited by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have destructive influences on the behavior of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
making them more hostile. To illustrate, studies have shown that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can alter the brain chemistry and have an effect on the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
causing them to become addicted to the game and developing aggressive behavior.
Thus
, when these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
go out in the real-world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
attempt to re-enact those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
without thinking of the consequences.

There are a few effective solutions to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juveniles
. Parents should supervise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and monitor their actions. Adolescents should not be
excessively
exposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. Mentoring and educating young adults about the consequences of their actions is
also
crucial. Another effective solution is to provide counselling and therapy for troubled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have had problems in the past and have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time dealing with them.
Consider using “all the”.
All of the
above points should
be implemented
to
successfully
decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juvenile
crime.

In conclusion
, supervising, guiding and providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are exposed
to too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is vital to decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate and for their
overall
well-being.
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IELTS essay In many parts of the world children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is the case happening? How should children or teenagers be punished?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
370 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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