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In many nations students are motivated to do either part-time job or travel to new places, during the break between the completion of high school and the begining university studies.

In many nations students are motivated to do either part-time job or travel to new places, during the break between the completion of high school and the begining university studies. Even though, obvious benefits can be observed because of this activity, we cannot ignore the drawbacks. In this essay we will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this activity. To begin with, there are several benefits can be observed, when the students do a part-time job or travel during break. Firstly, doing a job will give an opportunity to earn extra money, which students can use to pay college tuition fees during the university studies. Secondly, it will provide good exposure to working environment to the students, and this experience will immensely beneficial during their career after finishing the studies. Lastly, travelling to new places or foreign countries will also give very good exposure to the culture and customs of the new places. On the contrary, negative aspect of this activity is also widely observed. The first evident drawback is, the stress it will bring to the students, if they avoid to utilize the break for leisure activities such as doing some sports, spending time with family and friends etc. Furthermore, in some cases, students are attracted to the money they earn during their part-time job or the new places they visited and would like to settle there. In both cases they eventually end up in discontinuing the studies. To conclude, though there are considerable benefits such as earning extra money or getting exposure to new culture and customs observed, the drawbacks are definitely significant, especially the situation, which leads to discontinuation of studies.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are motivated
to do either part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
places, during the break between the completion of high school and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
begining
university
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studies
.
Even though
, obvious benefits can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
observed
because of this
activity, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the drawbacks. In this essay we will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this activity.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several benefits can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
observed
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or travel during break.
Firstly
, doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will give an opportunity to earn extra money, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to pay college tuition fees during the university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Secondly
, it will provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
exposure to working environment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, and this experience will
immensely
beneficial during their career after finishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Lastly
, travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
places or foreign countries will
also
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
exposure to the culture and customs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
places.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect of this activity is
also
widely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
observed
. The
first
evident drawback is, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
it will bring to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, if they
The verb ‘avoid’ is used with the gerund form: “avoid utilizing”.
avoid to utilize
the break for leisure activities such as doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports, spending time with family and friends etc.
Furthermore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are attracted
to the money they earn during their part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
places they visited and would like to settle there. In both cases they
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in discontinuing the studies.

To conclude
, though there are considerable benefits such as earning extra money or getting exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture and customs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
observed
, the drawbacks are definitely significant,
especially
the situation, which leads to discontinuation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
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IELTS essay In many nations students are motivated to do either part-time job or travel to new places, during the break between the completion of high school and the begining university studies.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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