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In many modern societies, grand children rarely spend any quality time with their grandparents. What do you think are the consequences of this ?

In many modern societies, grand children rarely spend any quality time with their grandparents. What do you think are the consequences of this? lgjW
Modernisation makes grand children not to spend good moments with their grandparents. The main outcome would be the children can not obtain the knowledge about the culture and the custom and that results of likely to forget individuality. There are many unfortunate outcomes arise by this trend. Firstly, grand parents have excessive experience and profound knowledge about the world and society. As a result, the lavish information can be useful to solve the personal and professional issue. In other words, if the contact with the elder generation will be less then offspring might find hard to solve the matter. As a result, the children become easily stressful and that effects their mental health. Secondly, forefather occupy abundant detail about culture, customs and tradition which is the identity of the any nation. If children does not have enough contact with their grand mother and father then the flow would be break down and next generation would not get detail. Furthermore, grand parents are the person who can support their grand children when the parents are busy in working. During the time of loneliness, children easily allure to negative activity in television. By that way indirectly indulge in criminal activity which is outrageous for offspring. If the grandparents are there in contact thus children can simply convey to them. That makes individual refresh and relieve the stress and adopt the healthy body. In conclusion, the significant result of no connection with grand parents, grand children are unable to obtain great amount of knowledge thus make it hard to solve life related issues. Isolation of this two generations would be result in not proceed to next generation which effects the identity of country.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Modernisation' is British English.
Modernisation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not to spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
moments with their grandparents. The main outcome would be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can not obtain the knowledge about the culture and the custom and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
of likely to forget individuality.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unfortunate outcomes arise by this trend.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have excessive experience and profound knowledge about the world and society. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
, the lavish information can be useful to solve the personal and professional issue.
In other words
, if the contact with the elder generation will be less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
offspring might find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to solve the matter. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become
easily
stressful and that effects their mental health.
Secondly
, forefather occupy abundant detail about culture, customs and tradition which is the identity of the any nation. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
contact with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grand
mother and father then the flow would be break down and
next
generation would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
detail.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the person who can support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy in working. During the time of loneliness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
easily
allure to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
activity in television. By that way
indirectly
indulge in criminal activity which is outrageous for offspring.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the grandparents are there in contact
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
simply
convey to them. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
individual refresh and relieve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and adopt the healthy body.

In conclusion
, the significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of no connection with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are unable to obtain great amount of knowledge
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to solve life related issues. Isolation of this two generations would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in not proceed to
next
generation which effects the identity of country.
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IELTS essay In many modern societies, grand children rarely spend any quality time with their grandparents. What do you think are the consequences of this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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