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Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children? LMrG
Due to modernisation, prevention of any fatal diseases is assured by vaccine. There is a debate that the children should be immunise forcefully by enforcing laws or the one can choose not to get vaccinated. The strict law of vaccination is directly effect the economy of the nation. However, the individual right is beneficial for family who are struggling with their livelihood. On one hand, the enforcement of strict law of making the children prevented from deadly disease have merits. If the government makes any law then it is compulsory to follow. In other words, that compulsion does not left with any option. As a result, the medication at the early stage of offspring make a healthy adult in future. Likewise, by following this rule the society also become disease free and there are more chances that people can work qualitatively. In addition, government do not have to spend excessive money on health sector thus the fund can be used in other area where the development is needed such as education. Thus this law can be beneficial for not only personally but also nationally. On the other hand, individual should have own right about their personal decision. Children are the responsibility of parents not of the government. Many people find hardship to support their family. The person who is underprivilege, do not consist even a basic demand like food and shelter. Thus, it can be impossible to make their children vaccinated and make them disease free. If some parent might think of vaccine for their juvenile, it would be unfeasible for them to arrange such amount. As person need to go for doses frequently for every fatal disease and it will be expensive afterwards. . Hence the family ended up with no choice than no vaccination to their child. In conclusion, parents who are unable to earn livelihood then become impossible to do vaccination so it should be guardian right whether to adopt this option. However, the implementation of law make sure about the health of upcoming generation and assist the country.
Due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
, prevention of any fatal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
is assured
by vaccine. There is a debate that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
Consider using the past participle "immunised"?
immunise
forcefully
by enforcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
or the one can choose not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
vaccinated. The strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
of vaccination is
directly
effect the economy of the nation.
However
, the individual right is beneficial for family who are struggling with their livelihood.

On one hand, the enforcement of strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
of making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
from deadly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
have merits. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
then it is compulsory to follow.
In other words
, that compulsion does not
The verb 'does' requires base form of the verb: "leave"
left
with any option.
As a result
, the medication at the early stage of offspring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a healthy adult
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Likewise
, by following this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
the society
also
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
free and there are more chances that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can work
qualitatively
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend excessive money on health sector
thus
the fund can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in other area where the development
is needed
such as education.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
can be beneficial for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
personally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
nationally
.

On the other hand
, individual should have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
right about their personal decision.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are the responsibility of parents not of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find hardship to support their family. The person who is
Possible spelling mistake found.
underprivilege
, do not consist even a basic demand like food and shelter.
Thus
, it can be impossible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
vaccinated and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
free. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parent might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of vaccine for their juvenile, it would be unfeasible for them to arrange such amount. As person need to go for doses
frequently
for every fatal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
and it will be expensive afterwards.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the family ended up with no choice than no vaccination to their child.

In conclusion
, parents who are unable to earn livelihood then become impossible to do vaccination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it should be guardian right whether to adopt this option.
However
, the implementation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure about the health of upcoming generation and assist the country.
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IELTS essay Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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