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In many developing countries, children work in some form to bring in necessary income from an early age. In the first world, many people think this is damaging and wrong but others would argue that their work brings them a sense of contributing, belonging and responsibility. What is your opinion?

In many developing countries, children work in some form to bring in necessary income from an early age. In the first world, many people think this is damaging and wrong but others would argue that their work brings them a sense of contributing, belonging and responsibility. What is your opinion? ROno
Nowadays in the world children do not have certain age, in some countries 12 years old people are still children, while others think they ready to marry. To work an early age has advantages and disadvantages. I am greater extend disagree that young boys and girls may work. I will discuss about it in the next paragraphs. On the one hand when you do not have food to eat, attire to wear, house to live, it is huge help from children to family. Youngster would be an independent person, to buy what, does he want. It is the way to have responsibility in early age. On the other hand why child have to work for his parents, he did not choose to born in this family. Every little one in the world do not have to need to work, they guardians should provide them. Children can damage health while working, because of their weakness. They would be in danger, such as sexual harassment, abusing and raping. I would like to wright about children from third world. A 10-12 years old little girl already must to marry and work to family. They think it is normal thing, but there is nothing positive signs. They can derive personal qualities like responsibility, belonging and contributing without work. Disadvantages overweight advantages to work an early age. Children instead of working, should get an education, expand their knowledge, develop skills and certainly feel sense of childhood. They should have rights the same as human’s rights.
Nowadays in the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have certain age, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries 12 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they ready to marry. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
an early age has advantages and disadvantages. I am greater extend disagree that young boys and girls may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I will
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
in the
next
paragraphs.

On the one hand when you do not have food to eat, attire to wear,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, it is huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to family. Youngster would be an independent person, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
what, does he want. It is the way to have responsibility in early age.

On the other hand
why child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for his parents, he did not choose to born in this family. Every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
one in the world do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they guardians
should provide them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can damage health while working,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their weakness. They would be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
, such as sexual harassment, abusing and raping. I would like to
Did you mean the verb "write"?
wright
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from third world. A 10-12 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
girl already
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
marry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to family. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a normal" or "is an normal"
is normal
thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
signs. They can derive personal qualities like responsibility, belonging and contributing without work.

Disadvantages overweight advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
an early age.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
instead
of working, should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an education, expand their knowledge, develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
certainly
feel sense of childhood. They should have rights the same as
Possible typo. Did you mean: "human rights"?
human’s rights
.
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IELTS essay In many developing countries, children work in some form to bring in necessary income from an early age. In the first world, many people think this is damaging and wrong but others would argue that their work brings them a sense of contributing, belonging and responsibility. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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