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In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first months after the birth of their babies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In the changing world, women are working same hours equal to man. A number of countries give 1 month leave to mother who given birth to baby. This eassy is intend to discuss do advantage outweigh the disadvantage. Firstly, Giving birth to baby is 9 months biological process, from 5th month mother feel weight of baby. After give birth mother health is not well as compare to before giving birth. To heal health maternity leave will help mother and as well as child will get proper attention for their health. As we know no one can take care of child as mother do. For first 6 months baby is not allowed to eat food, only breast feeding is consider going to work may put baby health in danger. To explain this point i would like to give example, If mother is going for work she can't manage work and breast feeding, also many companies don't allow children's in campus. If baby does not get feed on time this might affect to health. On the other side, there are some draw back for corporation. If mother is taking leave for a month it affect on company's performance. To illustrate, Many firm only hire female workers, In this case if 2 women worker given birth to baby they go for leave corporation will face shortage of worker, It will affect companies performance. To overcome this problem company can give option of work from home to their respected employees. To conclude, Taking leave leave for a month is beneficial for both mother and baby and disadvantage can be overcome by work from home.
In the changing world, women are working same hours equal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. A number of countries
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give
1
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month
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leave
to
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mother
who
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given
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birth
to baby. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
eassy
is
Consider using either the past participle “intended” or the present participle “intending” here.
intend
to discuss do advantage outweigh the disadvantage.

Firstly
, Giving
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birth
to baby is 9
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months
biological process, from 5th
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month
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mother
feel weight of baby.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
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give
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birth
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mother
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health
is not well as compare to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving
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birth
. To heal
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health
maternity
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leave
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
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mother
and
as well
as child will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper attention for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. As we know no one can take care of child as
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mother
do. For
first
6
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months
baby is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to eat food,
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only
The word “breastfeeding” is spelled as one word.
breast feeding
is
Consider using either the past participle “considered” or the present participle “considering” here.
consider
going to
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work
may put baby
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health
in
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danger
. To
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explain
this point
Did you mean “I”?
i
would like to
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give
example, If
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mother
is going for
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work
she can't manage
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work
and
The word “breastfeeding” is spelled as one word.
breast feeding
,
also
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many
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companies
don't
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allow
children's in campus.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
baby does not
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get
feed on time this might affect to health.

On the other side, there are
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some
Possible agreement error. Did you mean “draws”?
draw
back for corporation. If
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mother
is taking
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leave
for a
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month
it
Did you mean “effect” (consequence, outcome, result)?
affect
on
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company
's performance. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
firm
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only
hire female workers,
In this case
if 2 women worker
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given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
to baby they go for
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leave
corporation will face shortage of worker, It will affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
performance. To overcome this problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
option of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home to their respected employees.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
To
conclude, Taking
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leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
is beneficial for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
and baby and disadvantage can
be overcome
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home.
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IELTS essay In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first months after the birth of their babies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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