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In many countries, the women’s role is increasingly asserted. Write an essay to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of being working mothers

In many countries, the women’s role is increasingly asserted. Write an essay to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of being working mothers q1RYE
It is thought by many people that the women’s role is increasingly asserted, especially working mothers. This trend, however, has some considerable disadvantages other than its own advantages. On the one hand, being working mothers brings a big number of benefits. One evident strength is that it can help them to become independent or active in their life. When they have a job, they can earn money to share the expenses in life with their husband. In addition, they can do anything they want, such as shopping, skincare, healthcare. . . etc. Another gain is that being working mothers can enable them to get more relationships, knowledge, experience and skills in many fields. For example, in their company, they have more chances to work with partners, so it helps them improve communication skills and experience from their partners. Moreover, their children can learn to be responsible and independent from their mother. On the other hand, there are some obvious limitations of working mothers. First, it makes them have little time for members of their family, especially their children. They must work more than eight hours per day, so they don’t have enough time to take care of their children. Second, that causes them to feel stressed. Besides the work of the company, they still care and support members of their family, so if they must do those things at the same time or in a day, it makes them feel tired and stressed. In conclusion, although being working mothers can have several negative effects, it brings the positive influences to a certain extent. I think that we should take some proper solutions to limit its negatives.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the women’s role is
increasingly
asserted,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
mothers. This trend,
however
, has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerable disadvantages other than its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages.

On the one hand, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
mothers brings a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
number of benefits. One evident strength is that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become independent or active in their life. When they have a job, they can earn money to share the expenses in life with their husband.
In addition
, they can do anything they want, such as shopping, skincare, healthcare.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
etc
. Another gain is that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
mothers can enable them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more relationships, knowledge, experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields.
For example
, in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, they have more chances to work with partners,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experience from their partners.
Moreover
, their children can learn to be responsible and
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
their mother.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious limitations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
mothers.
First
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time for members of their family,
especially
their children. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work more than eight hours per day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to take care of their children. Second, that causes them to feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.
Besides
the work of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, they
still
care and support members of their family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do those things at the same time or in a day, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel tired and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.

In conclusion
, although being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
mothers can have several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, it brings the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences to a certain extent. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proper solutions to limit its negatives.
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IELTS essay In many countries, the women’s role is increasingly asserted. Write an essay to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of being working mothers

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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