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In many countries the level of crime is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. Why do you think this is and what can be done about it ?

Nowadays, some criminal activities has increased profusely and these became too harsh. Assorted reasons could be mentioned for the crimes, and some workable solutions are discussed in upcoming paragraphs, so these could be curtailed. Consumption of drugs could be the prominent reason for the crimes as under the influence of drugs, people have no sense and they usually use abusive language with others, hence they fight with each other even many lives have been lost due to this. Over 40% of the crimes in the UK takes place every year due to overdose of drugs. Another reason could be the unemployment, when people do not have any source of income so they get indulged in malevolent activities such as robbery and pick pocketing for their survival. They also disrespect the laws made my authorities and commit crimes knowingly. These are the primary reasons due to which crime rate is increasing day by day, in fact these are becoming much violent. For resolution of these criminal activities, government could play part and parcel role. Stringent laws should be enacted, either limit the consumption of drugs or these should be prohibited completely. Government could enhance the security and punishment should be severe for the law offenders, so that such activities would not take place in future. Further steps could be the availability of jobs, if people have secure future and better income sources, they would commit and concentrate on their jobs. Large companies could provide secure jobs to the unemployed population. These could be the life altering steps and these are imperative to alleviate crimes from the society. To conclude, admittedly, crime rate has drastically increased but this could be decreased by following effective measures. Government could implement strict laws and punishment for violators and organizations could provide secure employment to the citizens.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
has increased
profusely
and these became too harsh. Assorted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
could
be mentioned
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
solutions
are discussed
in upcoming paragraphs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these could
be curtailed
.

Consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
could be the prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
as under the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have no
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sense and
they
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
abusive language with others,
hence
they fight with each other even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have
been lost
due to this. Over 40% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in the UK takes place every year due to overdose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
could be the unemployment, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have any source of income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulged in malevolent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as robbery and pick pocketing for their survival. They
also
disrespect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
made my authorities and commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
knowingly
. These are the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is increasing day by day, in fact these are becoming much violent.

For resolution of these criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could play part and parcel role. Stringent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
should
be enacted
, either limit the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
or these should
be prohibited
completely.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
could enhance the security and punishment should be severe for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
offenders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
would not take place
The phrase ‘in future’ is British English. Did you mean: “in the future”?
in future
.
Further
steps could be the availability of jobs, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have secure future and better income sources, they would commit and concentrate on their jobs. Large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
could provide secure jobs to the unemployed population. These could be the life altering steps and these are imperative to alleviate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
from the society.

To conclude
,
admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has
drastically
increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this could
be decreased
by following effective measures.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
could implement strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and punishment for violators and organizations could provide secure employment to the citizens.
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IELTS essay In many countries the level of crime is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. Why do you think this is and what can be done about it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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