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In many Countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of Crime? How can we deal with those causes?

In many Countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of Crime? How can we deal with those causes? 6xmdx
Criminal activities are on the rise in a large number of countries and it is a major cause of concern for the contemporary world. It is the case irrespective of whether the country is developed or in the developing stage. This essay shall delve into the reason for this negative development and discuss some solutions to ameliorate the situation. There are a plethora of factors leading to the steep upward curve of the crime rate. Firstly, the developing and under developed nations do not have adequate employment opportunities for their entire population and at the same time, inflation is such countries is always on the rise. This leads to the mushrooming growth of crimes such as robbery, theft, and sometimes even heinous crimes such as murder for just a small sum of money. Other reasons leading to illegal activities are recession causing loss of jobs, population explosion and a deteriorating political situation where the government is unable to come up with reforms or economic policies as per the changing needs of a country, and so on. In the developed countries too, crime rates show an upward trend. However, their reasons may differ. The materialistic modern era and the fast-paced world of ever-changing technology demand high levels of consumerism. Certain individuals resort to these illegal actions to buy the latest gadgets that their friends and peers have purchased. For example, a study revealed that as soon as a new iPhone by the Apple company is launched, the crime rate increases for a couple of weeks. There are some possible solutions for these problems. The government and the politicians should focus on the economic welfare of their nation and it should be their utmost priority. Creating more jobs and controlling inflation should be their key goal. Criminals should be given exemplary punishment so that it instils fear amongst potential offenders. Furthermore, there should be awareness amongst the people that materialistic possessions should not be their ultimate goal and that their focus should be on channelising their energy in the positive direction which can help them earn better. To recapitulate, there are a multitude of causes for the increase in the crime rate and it needs to be tackled by the country by eliminating the causes leading to crime.
Criminal activities are on the rise in
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and it is a major cause of concern for the contemporary world. It is the case irrespective of whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is developed
or in the developing stage. This essay shall delve into the reason for this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development and discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to ameliorate the situation. There are a plethora of factors leading to the steep upward curve of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.

Firstly
, the developing and under developed nations do not have adequate employment opportunities for their entire population and at the same time, inflation is such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is always on the rise. This leads to the mushrooming growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as robbery, theft, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as murder for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
sum of money. Other reasons leading to illegal activities are recession causing loss of jobs, population explosion and a deteriorating political situation where the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with reforms or economic policies as per the changing needs of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
too,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an upward trend.
However
, their reasons may differ. The materialistic modern era and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world of ever-changing technology demand high levels of consumerism. Certain individuals resort to these illegal actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the latest gadgets that their friends and peers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
.
For example
, a study revealed that as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as a new iPhone by the Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is launched
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate increases for a couple of weeks.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions for these problems. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the politicians should focus on the economic welfare of their nation and it should be their utmost priority. Creating more jobs and controlling inflation should be their key goal. Criminals should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
exemplary punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it
Possible spelling mistake. 'instils' is British English.
instils
fear amongst potential offenders.
Furthermore
, there should be awareness amongst the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that materialistic possessions should not be their ultimate goal and that their focus should be on
Possible spelling mistake. 'channelising' is British English.
channelising
their energy in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
direction which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them earn better.

To recapitulate, there are a multitude of causes for the increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate and it needs to
be tackled
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by eliminating the causes leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.

IELTS essay In many Countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of Crime? How can we deal with those causes?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
376 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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