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In many countries, the age of criminals is getting lower. Give reasons and solutions to the problem. Support your position with relevant examples.

In many countries, the age of criminals is getting lower. Give reasons and solutions to the problem. Support your position with relevant examples. OBe3
It is true that the rate of young people who commit crime have increased in a large scale in recent years and the age of the offenders is getting lower. This essay will discuss about why is this the case and will give some suggestion to mitigate the on-going problem. Firstly, one of the main reason for this issue is lack of parental guidance. In the competitive world, both the parents have to work in order to meet the ends and to maintain a proper lifestyle. This eventually effect their relationship with their offspring and they will not be aware even if their kids are getting influenced by some illegal acts. Secondly, increase number of crime related shows and games are also the cause of this problem. As we already know, these kind of shows have become extremely popular and majority of the people enjoy watching them. The main motive of the show maker is not to promote crime and many adults have already understand the fact. However, the young adults do not understand it. One common thing about such series is that the main protagonist is someone who break the law and will not get caught till the end of the movie. So, obviously, the underage kids will influenced by the acts and unconsciously, they will it is a good thing to break law and not get caught. In order to solve the problem, the first thing to do is for the parents that they should have a good work-life balance and spent some quality time with their children. Even if you have to work all day, at least spent some time with your kids at the evening or at night and ask about how the day was and if you notice they are influenced by something bad, you should take some action immediately to stop kid from wrongdoing. Another thing is to have strict age restriction on the shows that unintentionally promote crime. In this way, the problem may be solved to some extent. In conclusion, we cannot deny the fact that youngsters are committing more crime than ever before and if above mentioned measure are taken seriously, we can mitigate this problem.
It is true that the rate of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
have increased in a large scale in recent years and the age of the offenders is getting lower. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss why"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about why
is this the case and will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestion to mitigate the
Did you mean "ongoing"?
on-going
problem.

Firstly
, one of the main reason for this issue is lack of parental guidance. In the competitive world, both the parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the ends and to maintain a proper lifestyle. This
eventually
effect their relationship with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
offspring and
they will not be aware even if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are getting influenced by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illegal acts.
Secondly
, increase number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and games are
also
the cause of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. As we already know,
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
have become
extremely
popular and
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy watching them. The main motive of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
maker is not to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults have already
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "understood".
understand
the fact.
However
, the young adults do not understand it. One common thing about such series is that the main protagonist is someone who break the law and will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
caught till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the movie.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
obviously
, the underage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will influenced by the acts and
unconsciously
, they will it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing to break law and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
caught.

In order to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, the
first
thing to do is for the parents that they should have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work-life balance and spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality time with their children. Even if you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work all day, at least spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
at the evening or at night and ask about how the day was and if you notice they
are influenced
by something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, you should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
action immediately to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
from wrongdoing. Another thing is to have strict age restriction on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
that
unintentionally
promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In this way, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
may
be solved
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

In conclusion
, we cannot deny the fact that youngsters are committing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and if above mentioned measure
are taken
seriously
, we can mitigate this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
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IELTS essay In many countries, the age of criminals is getting lower. Give reasons and solutions to the problem. Support your position with relevant examples.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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