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In many countries senior positions have higher salaries compared to those of young workers of the same company. Some people think this isn’t justified. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries senior positions have higher salaries compared to those of young workers of the same company. Some people think this isn’t justified. PD7J
Some people think that highly experienced stuff in companies should have the same income as young workers, others believe that it is not fair to the young professionals. I am inclined to believe that young experts should not encroach on salaries of senior managers because they did not deserve that. Moreover, the market now is fiercely competitive and in order to have high salaries, workers should work a lot. Firstly, there are a lot of widespread allegations among new personnel against senior managers and they are quite often unsatisfied with a small salary. However, how they can earn a lot of money if they do not have an extensive experience in this field. Even if they have done the Master's or Ph. D. degrees, still they simply do not have the sine qua non experience, and graduates have to hone their skills and tend to high positions in the hierarchy. More than that, with money, comes responsibility too, so, employers cannot allow new stuff earn a lot of money. Secondly, the labor market is very competitive, and subsequently, if a person wants to have a good position, he should not only have a good education but his own upsides, skills, and experience. Everyone wants to have a high salary and good positions but employers can higher only very good stuff on high positions and beginners on lower positions, so everyone in situ due to competition. To sum up, despite people arguing that everyone in the company should have the same revenue, other believing that each employee should have a salary according to his position, and such leveling in income would have very bad ramifications. As I have argued, I support the idea from each according to its abilities and to each according to its needs because this is fair to everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
highly
experienced stuff in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should have the same income as young workers, others believe that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to the young professionals. I
am inclined
to believe that young experts should not encroach on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of senior managers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not deserve that.
Moreover
, the market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is
fiercely
competitive and in order to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
, workers should work a lot.

Firstly
, there are
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a lot of
widespread allegations among new personnel against senior
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
managers and
they are quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
unsatisfied with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
However
, how they can earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money if they do not have an extensive experience in this field. Even if they have done the Master's or
The more common abbreviation of the term 'philosophiae doctor' is "Ph.D.".
Ph. D.
degrees,
still
they
simply
do not have the sine qua non experience, and graduates
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have to
hone their
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skills
and tend to
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high
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positions
in the hierarchy. More than that, with money,
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comes
responsibility too,
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so
, employers cannot
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allow
new stuff earn
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a lot of
money.

Secondly
, the labor market is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive, and
subsequently
, if a person wants to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
, he should not
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only
have a
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good
education
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but
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
upsides,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and experience.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Everyone
wants to have a
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high
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salary
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
employers can higher
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only
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very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
stuff on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
and beginners on lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
in situ due to competition.

To sum up, despite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
arguing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
should have the same revenue, other believing that each employee should have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
according to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
, and such leveling in income would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
ramifications. As I have argued, I support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
from each according to its abilities and to each according to its needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everyone
.
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IELTS essay In many countries senior positions have higher salaries compared to those of young workers of the same company. Some people think this isn’t justified.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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