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in Many countries, people are moving away from rural areas to urban areas. Why do you think that is question mark what problem can it cause.

Nowadays, numerous of folks are shifting from rural areas to urban areas permanently in many nations. I believe that the reason behind the problem are unemployment undevelopment lack of medical as well as education facilities and many others. This essay will discuss about the issue behind these moving of civilians along with the problem that it cause. Firstly, job opportunities is one of the dominant reason behind the shifting of pupils owning to the fact that, scholars do not get the desired job and salary in the countryside that's why they have to move to the big city for fulfilling their dreams and their family wishes. To illustrate with an example, according to the newspaper the globe 60% student who live in rural areas does not have any sort of income source. Thus, if government install some industries in countryside then these unemployed civilians have some job in their hands. Moreover, less medical facility is another factor of moving in several nations. Further glancing, lack of development is also a standpoint because, government does not focus much on the development of rural areas and for having a better lifestyle villagers move to the big cities. Whereas, the main problem arise due to the shifting to urban areas is that loss in their tradition. To exemplify, a survey was conducted by a group of history professor of MIT University in Indonesia and it reveals that 80% children does not know about their culture. In addition to that, education facility is an another factor which forces rural people to move. To sum up, and underdevelopment in medical, education along with a plethora of facilities, less industries, better lifestyle are the crucial reasons why currently, citizen of some countries are shifting to urban area from backward area. However, the impact that it leaves on the society is loss in their culture in upcoming generation.
Nowadays, numerous of folks are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shifting
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
permanently
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations. I believe that the reason behind the problem are unemployment
Possible spelling mistake found.
undevelopment
lack of medical
as well
as education facilities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others. This essay will
Did you mean simply “discuss the”? You do not need the word “about” here.
discuss about the
issue behind these moving of civilians along with the problem that it cause.

Firstly
, job opportunities is one of the dominant reason behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shifting
of pupils owning to the fact that, scholars do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the desired job and salary in the countryside that's why they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city for fulfilling their dreams and their family wishes. To illustrate with an example, according to the newspaper the globe 60% student who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
does not have any sort of income source.
Thus
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
install
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
industries in countryside then these unemployed civilians have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
job in their hands.
Moreover
, less medical facility is another factor of moving in several nations.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
glancing, lack of development is
also
a standpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
does not focus much on the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and for having a better lifestyle villagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the main problem arise due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shifting
to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is that loss in their tradition. To exemplify, a survey
was conducted
by a group of history professor of MIT University in
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Indonesia and
it reveals that 80% children does not know about their culture.
In addition
to that, education facility is
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: “a factor” or “another factor”.
an another factor
which forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
.

To sum up, and underdevelopment in medical, education along with a plethora of facilities,
Did you mean “fewer”? The noun industries is countable.
less
industries, better lifestyle are the crucial reasons why
currently
, citizen of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shifting
to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
from backward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
However
, the impact that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
on the society is loss in their culture in upcoming generation.
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IELTS essay in Many countries, people are moving away from rural areas to urban areas. Why do you think that is question mark what problem can it cause.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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