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In many countries, paying for things using mobile phones apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages?

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phones apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages? gOYL
Nowadays, it is more common to carry out secure payments via numerous mobile apps in most of the developed countries. In my opinion, I think that there are several advantages associated with payments made through mobile apps despite the minor drawbacks that are part of this development. Despite the drawbacks below, I believe the benefits acquired by making mobile e-payments has far more advantages contributing to the country's economy. Firstly, it is extensively easy to pay using the various mobile apps, as it is time-saving and user friendly, and also avoids the risk of handling cash, especially for a large amount. The younger generation, for instance, is extremely fluent with cell phone apps when compared to the elderly group. Secondly, tech companies offer multiple lucrative deals to lure people into making payment through their registered apps. Finally, smartphone apps do not restrict their users to a specific geographic location. This gives the app consumers the freedom to pay for anything while being in their comfort zone. Admittedly, there are some issues involved in making payments via mobile apps. One problem is that, as all the transactions are carried out virtually in this method, there are possibilities for the transaction to fail. Furthermore, the user has to be more vigilant throughout the whole payment process, and also track the failed payments, if any. For example, few popular e-commerce giants, allow the user to track the failed payment, and re-do or cancel it. Another significant negative aspect is that, in most of the under-developed countries, the percentage of mobile app usage is still distinctively very low, and as a result, the minority users in rural areas will be ignorant of the mobile payment offers that are available. In conclusion, although there are numerous issues with payments made using smartphones, the development associated with the advantage of e-payments plays a vital in boosting a country's economy.
Nowadays, it is more common to carry out secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
via numerous mobile apps in most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are several advantages associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
made through mobile apps despite the minor drawbacks that are part of this development.

Despite the drawbacks below, I believe the benefits acquired by making mobile e-payments has far more advantages contributing to the country's economy.
Firstly
, it is
extensively
easy to pay using the various mobile apps, as it is time-saving and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
user friendly
, and
also
avoids the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of handling cash,
especially
for a large amount. The younger generation,
for instance
, is
extremely
fluent with cell phone apps when compared to the elderly group.
Secondly
, tech
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
offer multiple lucrative deals to lure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
into making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
through their registered apps.
Finally
, smartphone apps do not restrict their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
to a specific geographic location. This gives the app consumers the freedom to pay for anything while being in their comfort zone.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues involved in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
via mobile apps. One problem is that, as all the transactions
are carried
out
virtually
in this method, there are possibilities for the transaction to fail.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be more vigilant throughout the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
process, and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the failed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
, if any.
For example
, few popular e-commerce giants,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
the failed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
, and re-do or cancel it. Another significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect is that, in most of the under-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, the percentage of mobile app usage is
still
distinctively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low, and
as a result
, the minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
in rural areas will be ignorant of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
offers that are available.

In conclusion
, although there are numerous issues with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
made using smartphones, the development associated with the advantage of e-payments plays a vital in boosting a country's economy.
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IELTS essay In many countries, paying for things using mobile phones apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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