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In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Using mobile phones increasingly on an unprecedented scale. In different countries purchasing or pay for thing from smartphone apps become popular. This method brings more advantages and maybe little risk. Using smartphone apps maybe risky because it decreases your safety while using apps. Each application which develop through different companies may contain bugs and hackers try to use these bugs to steal customer information. Financial transactions are really sensitive, and security is a main thing among it. So, using smartphone apps may be risky to use for purchasing things online. Contrary to security, apps, which helps their customers to pay online, have an important impact on people time. It is possible now for people to pay for debt online or send some money to their friend whenever and wherever they are. So, they do not need to spend more time in the queue of the bank for sending money or paying the debt. As a result, people can save sometime to other important issues. Also, when you want to search a time when you paid your debts or see our account balance, you simply use these app. In addition, using smartphone apps may decrease the pressure of banks employee. While people try to use apps to pay or purchase online things, it is not necessary to refer to the bank and as a result bank’s employee can do their job without presser because of the few customers referring to them for their important financial problems. In conclusion, in some country people who use smartphone apps increase. Using smartphone apps significantly improve peoples ease while their want to pay online.
Using mobile phones
increasingly
on an unprecedented scale. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries purchasing or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for thing from smartphone apps become popular. This method brings more advantages and maybe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

Using smartphone apps maybe risky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it decreases your safety while using apps. Each application which develop through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
may contain bugs and hackers try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these bugs to steal customer information. Financial transactions are
really
sensitive, and security is a main thing among it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, using smartphone apps may be risky to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for purchasing things online.

Contrary to security, apps, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
their customers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
time. It is possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for debt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money to their friend whenever and wherever they are.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they do not need to spend more time in the queue of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
for sending money or paying the debt.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can save sometime to other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues.
Also
, when you want to search a time when you paid your debts or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
our account balance, you
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
‘These’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘app’. Did you mean “this app” or “these apps”?
these app
.

In addition
, using smartphone apps may decrease the pressure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banks
employee. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
apps to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
things, it is not necessary to refer to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
and
as a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank’s
employee can do their job without presser
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the few customers referring to them for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
financial problems.

In conclusion
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smartphone apps increase. Using smartphone apps
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
while their want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
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IELTS essay In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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