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In many countries, crime rates among younger people have been rising. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve it?

In many countries, crime rates among younger people have been rising. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve it? m8Q2n
Nowadays juvinile delinquency is one of the growing concern among the youngsters. While the driving factors behind this are poverty, playing violent vedio games and lack of parental guidance, the issue can be tackled by increasing size of the police force and engaging the young to more beneficial activities in their leasure time. In order to deal with the problem in an effective way, it is necessary to understand where it stems from. The main reason why most young commit crimes is that they may have lack of money in their family. By this I mean, in some families parents may not be able to provide financially because of their health problems. Another reason might be vedio games. Because most games contain violent stages which affect players' behaviour. As a result of watching and playing such kind of games they may become cruel and consider that crime is an ordinary event in society. What is more, disfunctional families can affect their children's behavior as well. In fact, parents give less attention to their child and do not concern about their education in such kind of families. That being said, I consider this problem of young people becoming perpetrator in most cases can be solved with several measurements. Firstly, the government should improve the strength of the police in urban areas. To be more exact, in each public places the police officers should be hired to control every action of people especially, young. It is beneficial not only for maintaining public safety, but also making criminals fear being recognized for a crime. Secondly, younger people should be involved to more exciting and useful activities both at school and at home. We can do it by engaging them in sports, music in their spare time. Obviously, school also plays major role in this case that teachers should make their students interested in reading books and participating extracurricular activities after the lessons. In conclusion, the main reasons why crimes occur mostly among young people include the fact the problems with their families and games they are playing. However, strong police discipline and extra tasks would be the perfect solution.
Nowadays
Possible spelling mistake found.
juvinile
delinquency is one of the growing concern among the youngsters. While the driving factors behind this are poverty, playing violent
Possible spelling mistake found.
vedio
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and lack of parental guidance, the issue can
be tackled
by increasing size of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
force and engaging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to more beneficial activities in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
leasure
time.

In order to deal with the problem
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
, it is necessary to understand where it stems from. The main reason why most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is that they may have lack of money in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. By this I mean, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
parents may not be able to provide
financially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their health problems.

Another reason might be
Possible spelling mistake found.
vedio
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
contain violent stages which affect players'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
As a result
of watching and playing such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they may become cruel and consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is an ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in society.
What is more
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
disfunctional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
can affect their children's behavior
as well
. In fact, parents give less attention to their child and do not concern about their education in such kind of families.

That
being said
, I consider this problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becoming perpetrator
in most cases
can
be solved
with several measurements.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the strength of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
in urban areas. To be more exact, in each public places the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
officers should
be hired
to control every action of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
. It is beneficial not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for maintaining public safety,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
making criminals fear
being recognized
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Secondly
, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be involved
to more exciting and useful activities both at school and at home. We can do it by engaging them in sports, music in their spare time.
Obviously
, school
also
plays major role
in this case
that teachers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their students interested in reading books and participating extracurricular activities after the lessons.

In conclusion
, the main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
occur
mostly
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
include the fact the problems with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they are playing.
However
, strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
discipline and extra tasks would be the perfect solution.
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IELTS essay In many countries, crime rates among younger people have been rising. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve it?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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