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The major cities are growing, so do their problems. What are the problems for young people living in these cities and how we can solve these issues?

The major cities are growing, so do their problems. What are the problems for young people living in these cities and how we can solve these issues? m8Q91
Major cities are quickly develop in the world, that made numerous difficult which young people have to face currently. As a result, governments should take little steps to alleviate these distressing issues. When big cities rapidly progress, having some obstacle lead to which young urban citizens can encounter and can also find easily. Firstly, young residents in central city are not easy to find a job. For example, cities develop quickly such as Ho Chi Minh or Ha Noi that make thousand of rural people migrated to city to have better career opportunity, make a intense competition in labor market. Unemployed can be considered generally cause for another social problems, such as homeless or crimes. Secondly, the high cost of living in large cities puts a great financial burden on young urban citizens who often do not have wages to cover all living expenses including accommodation, food and services, and that can seriously reduce their quality of life. However, governments can implement some actions to solve the above problems. First solution and perhaps is the most effective that is government and municipality provide many special offers and tax credit for businesses, encourage them repositioning to around rural regions, as a result the decrease of migrate wave to central city. For example, Vietnam’s government succeeded in moving many universities, academies and organizations out of the central city with hope to decrease problems about the jam-packed population. Another solution is to offer a reasonable interest rate for young cosmopolitans to maintain their life and keep going with individual development and career. In conclusion, encouraging business repositioning and loaning with low interest rates for young urban citizens are two measures which the government realizes to address problems that many young people living in large cities encounter.
Major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are
quickly
Consider using a past participle here: "developed".
develop
in the world, that made numerous difficult which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
currently
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
steps to alleviate these distressing issues. When
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
rapidly
progress, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obstacle lead to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
urban citizens can encounter and can
also
find
easily
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
residents in central city are not easy to find a job.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
develop
quickly
such as Ho Chi Minh or Ha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Noi
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
of rural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
migrated to city to have better career opportunity,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
intense competition in labor market. Unemployed can
be considered
generally
cause for another social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, such as homeless or crimes.

Secondly
, the high cost of living in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
puts a great financial burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
urban citizens who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not have wages to cover all living expenses including accommodation, food and services, and that can
seriously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their quality of life.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can implement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions to solve the above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
First
solution and perhaps is the most effective
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and municipality provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
special offers and tax credit for businesses, encourage them repositioning to around rural regions,
as a result
the decrease of migrate wave to central city.
For example
, Vietnam’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
succeeded in moving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
universities, academies and organizations out of the central city with hope to decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
about the jam-packed population.

Another solution is to offer a reasonable interest rate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
cosmopolitans to maintain their life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
going with individual development and career.

In conclusion
, encouraging business repositioning and loaning with low interest rates for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
urban citizens are two measures which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
realizes to address
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
encounter.
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IELTS essay The major cities are growing, so do their problems. What are the problems for young people living in these cities and how we can solve these issues?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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