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In many countries, children are told that if they work hard they can achieve anything they want to. This essay will talk about what are the benefits and drawbacks of this thought. It is true that to achieve a goal in life one should put their all efforts however, these goals must be realistic also. On the one hand, in some cultures, people told their children to try to work hard so that they can achieve a goal irrespective of many obstacles and this thought-process keeps the children motivated. In other words, no one can fulfill their dreams without any hurdles but, the most crucial thing in life is to try and not to give up on what you are pursuing. Troublesome situations will come and go but it should not stop students to reach their desired goal. Moreover, this attitude will keep them motivated throughout their life. For example, in India, the primary and secondary school subjects contain lessons on numerous great personalities such as Sachin Tendulkar, Albert Einstein, etc. The

In many countries, children are told that if they work hard they can achieve anything they want to. This essay will talk about what are the benefits and drawbacks of this thought. It is true that to achieve a goal in life one should put their all efforts however, these goals must be realistic also. On the one hand, in some cultures, people told their children to try to work hard so that they can achieve a goal irrespective of many obstacles and this thought-process keeps the children motivated. In other words, no one can fulfill their dreams without any hurdles but, the most crucial thing in life is to try and not to give up on what you are pursuing. Troublesome situations will come and go but it should not stop students to reach their desired goal. Moreover, this attitude will keep them motivated throughout their life. For example, in India, the primary and secondary school subjects contain lessons on numerous great personalities such as Sachin Tendulkar, Albert Einstein, etc. The mkjN
In many countries, children are told that if they work hard they can achieve anything they want to. This essay will talk about what are the benefits and drawbacks of this thought. It is true that to achieve a goal in life one should put their all efforts however, these goals must be realistic also. On the one hand, in some cultures, people told their children to try to work hard so that they can achieve a goal irrespective of many obstacles and this thought-process keeps the children motivated. In other words, no one can fulfill their dreams without any hurdles but, the most crucial thing in life is to try and not to give up on what you are pursuing. Troublesome situations will come and go but it should not stop students to reach their desired goal. Moreover, this attitude will keep them motivated throughout their life. For example, in India, the primary and secondary school subjects contain lessons on numerous great personalities such as Sachin Tendulkar, Albert Einstein, etc. The rudimentary purpose of including this is, to teach the students the importance of patience and hard work. On the other hand, trying hard is not just enough, sometimes there many other things also that are included for achieving a goal such as luck-factor, surrounding situations, etc. Furthermore, because of such thoughts children become over-ambitious and if they could not able to fulfill their dreams they might go into depression or can commit suicide. To put it in another way, it is completely acceptable to have a particular target, however, one should be realistic also. People should help students in deciding their goals. In conclusion, it is important to achieve goals with patience, yet it is also required that children should be realistic towards their target.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that if they work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
anything they want to. This essay will talk about what are the benefits and drawbacks of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. It is true that to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
in life one should put their all efforts
however
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be realistic
also
.

On the one hand, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to try to work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
irrespective of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
-process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
motivated.
In other words
, no one can fulfill their dreams without any hurdles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the most crucial thing in life is to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
not to give up on what you are pursuing. Troublesome situations will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
students to reach their desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
.
Moreover
, this attitude will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them motivated throughout their life.
For example
, in India, the primary and secondary school subjects contain lessons on numerous great personalities such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
, Albert Einstein, etc. The rudimentary purpose of including this is, to teach the students the importance of patience and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work.

On the other hand
, trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other things
also
that
are included
for achieving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
such as luck-factor, surrounding situations, etc.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of such thoughts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become over-ambitious and if they could not able to fulfill their dreams they might go into depression or can commit suicide. To put it in another way, it is completely acceptable to have a particular target,
however
, one should be realistic
also
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students in deciding their goals.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
with patience,
yet
it is
also
required that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be realistic towards their target.
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IELTS essay In many countries, children are told that if they work hard they can achieve anything they want to. This essay will talk about what are the benefits and drawbacks of this thought. It is true that to achieve a goal in life one should put their all efforts however, these goals must be realistic also. On the one hand, in some cultures, people told their children to try to work hard so that they can achieve a goal irrespective of many obstacles and this thought-process keeps the children motivated. In other words, no one can fulfill their dreams without any hurdles but, the most crucial thing in life is to try and not to give up on what you are pursuing. Troublesome situations will come and go but it should not stop students to reach their desired goal. Moreover, this attitude will keep them motivated throughout their life. For example, in India, the primary and secondary school subjects contain lessons on numerous great personalities such as Sachin Tendulkar, Albert Einstein, etc. The

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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