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In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this? yXaeg
More and more children are inevitably engaged in some paid work. Although its profits have been regarded as valuable work experience, the ability to learn, and taking responsibility, many still consider this completely wrong. In my opinion, children should not be engaged in paid works as its negative impacts are much heavier than its positive profits. There is no concern that there would be many benefits if children were engaged in paid works early. Children could gain valuable experience and knowledge from working, which schools could not teach them. Therefore, they would be years of experience ahead of their colleagues who are not working early. The children could also be responsible for their relatives since they have understood the difficulties of earning incomes. Nevertheless, engaging in earning money too early has many long-term negative impacts. Firstly, since they had an income, they will consider this as “their money” and start to waste them on unnecessary products or services rather than helping the family’s economics. Even more, because of working too early, they will be less focused on studying; therefore, their academic capacity will fall rapidly. This will create a chain effect as many universities require an excellent academic capacity if they want to enroll in, and the companies require a good diploma if they want to work for them. In a nutshell, children might earn a fair amount of money now; in the long term, however, they could not have a sufficient income to support their own or their family economics. In conclusion, it is clear that children should not be engaged in paid works too early. Despite many benefits, the long-term negative impacts are too heavy to be left unconsidered.
More and more
children
are
inevitably
engaged
in
some
paid
work
. Although its profits have
been regarded
as valuable
work
experience, the ability to learn, and taking responsibility,
many
still
consider this completely
wrong
. In my opinion,
children
should not be
engaged
in
paid
works as its
negative
impacts are much heavier than its
positive
profits.

There is no concern that there would be
many
benefits if
children
were
engaged
in
paid
works
early
.
Children
could gain valuable experience and knowledge from working, which schools could not teach them.
Therefore
, they would be years of experience ahead of their colleagues who are not working
early
. The
children
could
also
be responsible for their relatives since they have understood the difficulties of earning incomes.

Nevertheless
, engaging in earning money too
early
has
many
long-term
negative
impacts.
Firstly
, since they had an income, they will consider this as “their money” and
start
to waste them on unnecessary products or services
rather
than helping the family’s economics. Even more,
because
of working too
early
, they will be less focused on studying;
therefore
, their academic capacity will fall
rapidly
. This will create a chain effect as
many
universities require an excellent academic capacity if they want to enroll in, and the
companies
require a
good
diploma if they want to
work
for them. In a nutshell,
children
might earn a
fair
amount of money
now
; in the long term,
however
, they could not have a sufficient income to support their
own
or their family economics.

In conclusion
, it is
clear
that
children
should not be
engaged
in
paid
works too
early
. Despite
many
benefits, the long-term
negative
impacts are too heavy to be
left
unconsidered.
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IELTS essay In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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