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In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples.

Once finishing school, leaving the parents’ house and start living on its own or sharing a house with friends is a part of the coming of age for a huge number of students. On first sight, this development is advantageous, but indeed, it does not only offer benefits. Thus, living alone or even with friends can be truly challenging. Despite the new environment and the new educational obligations, such as handing out an assignment in time, domestic duties, such as doing the groceries or vacuuming need also be done. This could be overwhelming for some adolescents, especially for those, who are not so mature. Moreover, sharing a house with friends or even strangers can be tricky as well. While living at the parents´ home, the habits of the family are well known, but by sharing a house with persons outside of the family, some habits can be new and this can lead to disputes. As a consequence, a long-lasting friendship could end. Besides this, living alone can also offer some benefits. First of all, it is a part of coming of age and the individual becomes more independent. Furthermore, some families will also benefit from this separation. If, for instance, the family had to handle with disputes regularly, and these controversies mostly dealt with mundane things, such as tidy up the living room, a separation could help the family to think about their behaviour and resolve the problems. In addition to this, sharing a house with friends instead of living alone offers economic and social facilities, such as lower costs and the possibility of social interaction. To conclude, moving away is a normal development in life, that has to be taken by most of the individuals. In my opinion, leaving the house right after graduation is beneficial and especially living together with friends will help to start an independent life as an adult.
Once finishing school, leaving the parents’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is a part of the coming of age for a huge number of students.

On
first
sight, this development is advantageous,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
indeed
, it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
offer benefits.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone or even with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can be
truly
challenging. Despite the new environment and the new educational obligations, such as handing out an assignment in time, domestic duties, such as doing the groceries or vacuuming need
also
be done
. This could be overwhelming for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adolescents,
especially
for those, who are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
mature.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
or even strangers can be tricky
as well
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
at the parents´ home, the habits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are well known,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
with persons
This phrase is redundant. Consider using “outside”.
outside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
habits can be new and this can lead to disputes. As a consequence, a long-lasting friendship could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone can
also
offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, it is a part of coming of age and the individual becomes more independent.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
will
also
benefit from this separation. If,
for instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
had to handle with disputes
regularly
, and these controversies
mostly
dealt with mundane things, such as tidy up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
room, a separation could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
and resolve the problems.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone offers economic and social facilities, such as lower costs and the possibility of social interaction.

To conclude
, moving away is a normal development in life, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be taken
by most of the individuals. In my opinion, leaving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
right after graduation is beneficial and
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
an independent life as an adult.

IELTS essay In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples.