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A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In these modern days, we can see an apparent growth in multicultural society, which raises an argument whether it is causation, not just a correlation. In my perspective, I suggest that a combination of races influences the development of the entire country. Hereby, I shall provide a supporting example, and a counter-example for a less varied region. Developed nations constitute multiple ethnicities from distinct continents all over the globe. This creates an environment of various academic, social, economic, and political backgrounds. A prime example is my city, Bangkok, consisting of foreign economists, politicians, and right activists. Such variety encourages discussion and exchanges, leading to a sustainable development. On the other hand, I will mention a peninsula country far, far away from the center of Asia: North Korea. North Korea is a place of dictatorship, lockdowns, and miserable economics. Due to restriction of foreigners, the entirety of population are native Koreans, all with the same attitudes and experiences. Plus, with a strict regulation of the one and only—Kim Jong Un—they cannot effectively reach a logical consensus. This has worsened the political and economical structure of North Korea, and restricted its growth. This concludes both aspects of how multicultural society induces the advancement of a particular nation. I consider that the key factor is people of distinctive origins share their unique points of view, resulting careful considerations and creative outcomes.
In these modern days, we can
see
an apparent growth in multicultural society, which raises an argument whether it is causation, not
just
a correlation. In my perspective, I suggest that a combination of races influences the development of the entire country. Hereby, I shall provide a supporting example, and a counter-example for a less varied region.

Developed nations constitute multiple ethnicities from distinct continents all over the globe. This creates an environment of various academic, social, economic, and political backgrounds. A prime example is my city, Bangkok, consisting of foreign economists, politicians, and right activists. Such variety encourages discussion and exchanges, leading to a sustainable development.

On the other hand
, I will mention a peninsula country far, far away from the center of Asia: North Korea. North Korea is a place of dictatorship, lockdowns, and miserable economics. Due to restriction of foreigners, the entirety of population are native Koreans, all with the same attitudes and experiences. Plus, with a strict regulation of the one and
only
—Kim
Jong Un
—they cannot
effectively
reach a logical consensus. This has worsened the political and
economical
structure of North Korea, and restricted its growth.

This concludes both aspects of how multicultural society induces the advancement of a particular nation. I consider that the key factor is
people
of distinctive origins share their unique points of view, resulting careful considerations and creative outcomes.
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IELTS essay A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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