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In developing countries, Some people believe that their government should introduce new technology to people in order to improve their quality of life. Others believe that offering free education would be more advantageous in the long term. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In developing countries, Some people believe that their government should introduce new technology to people in order to improve their quality of life. Others believe that offering free education would be more advantageous in the long term. E392r
Gone are the days, when geographical boundaries delineated the developing countries. In the last few decades, many underdeveloped nations have adopted the latest tech tools to improve the living standard of their citizens. However, I am of the opinion that the availability of a free education system, rather than tech-enabled amenities, is of prime importance. Free-schooling will contribute more in helping these growing economies to join the ranks of developed parts of the globe. Governments often choose to pick the quickest possible development route - by providing their citizens with the latest tech facilities. For example, countries like Venezuela and Brazil, imported technology to build not only an advanced metro rail system, but also multi-lane highways coupled with high-tech traffic control systems. While these facilities gave the appearance of a well-established country, in contrast, it proved to be only a short-term solution. Since the population was not empowered by learning, many people ended up flouting rules. As a result, all the advanced facilities were rendered useless. On the other hand, ensuring complimentary learning facilities, across all age-groups, plays a pivotal role in the organic development of a nation. Besides, the educated and well-read students, and citizens become more aware of the advancements in the other parts of the world. For this reason, they not only appreciate the importance of intellectual knowledge, but also, by imbibing technology, actively participate in raising the living standard of the society. To illustrate further, citizens from countries like the Philippines and Vietnam, have risen to be recognized in the global forum, as talented workforce. In particular, this recognition was mostly a consequence of the free school system provided to them. To conclude, I concur with the view that free education plays a significant role in not just the growth, but also the lifestyle of a developing country. Therefore, it is imperative that governments in these parts of the world spend their budget wisely, to develop human capital rather than give it away just for tech-powered public amenities.
Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the days, when geographical boundaries delineated the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In the last few decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
underdeveloped nations have adopted the latest tech tools to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the living standard of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
.
However
, I am of the opinion that the availability of a free education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
,
rather
than tech-enabled amenities, is of prime importance. Free-schooling will contribute more in helping these growing economies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the ranks of developed parts of the globe.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
choose to pick the quickest possible development route
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
by providing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
with the latest tech facilities.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Venezuela and Brazil, imported technology to build not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an advanced metro rail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
multi-lane highways coupled with high-tech traffic control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
. While these facilities gave the appearance of a well-established
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
in contrast
, it proved to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a short-term solution. Since the population was not empowered by learning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ended up flouting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
As a result
, all the advanced facilities
were rendered
useless.

On the other hand
, ensuring complimentary learning facilities, across all age-groups, plays a pivotal role in the organic development of a nation.
Besides
, the educated and well-read students, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
become more aware of the advancements in the other parts of the world.
For this reason
, they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
appreciate the importance of intellectual knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, by imbibing technology,
actively
participate in raising the living standard of the society. To illustrate
further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like the Philippines and Vietnam, have risen to
be recognized
in the global forum, as talented workforce.
In particular
, this recognition was
mostly
a consequence of the free school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
provided to them.

To conclude
, I concur with the view that free education plays a significant role in not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the growth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the lifestyle of a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Therefore
, it is imperative that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
in these parts of the world spend their budget
wisely
, to develop human capital
rather
than give it away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for tech-powered public amenities.
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IELTS essay In developing countries, Some people believe that their government should introduce new technology to people in order to improve their quality of life. Others believe that offering free education would be more advantageous in the long term.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
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Lexical Resource: 8.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
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Task Achievement: 8.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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