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In developing countries people are buying cars for the first time. What problems can cause? Is there any possible solutions?

In developing countries people are buying cars for the first time. What problems can cause? Is there any possible solutions? NreQy
It is a pressing problem that, currently the amount of congestion in pathways has escalated which leads to large-scale accidents. Car is a popular mean of travel due to its convenience and term of speed many people choose rather motor car. As a consequence streets all owe extremely crowded with vehicles, especially during peak hours. this occurrence carry to extreme number of road accidents. Though travels in cars suffer fewer deaths journey pedestrians to be at several risk. it is estimated that motor vehicles collisions caused 1. 23 million death only in 2010This chaos will not stopped unless people launch appropriate solution; such as putting to use public transportation which is beneficial because mass transport conveys more people than individual, which keeps traffic congestion lower. however, the commute is by far the cheapest and safest. In order to persuade public to apply for community transport, the government is meant to enhance the quality of it, make more frequent stops as well as ensure not stopped station security. Thereby, it will be possible to diminish the dependence on cars that many urban centers have prevent maturity of death indeed to vehicles To conclude, despite rising number of after my bills developing countries by the agency of administration it will be likely to decrease some more incommodies and some millions of lives
It is a pressing problem that,
currently
the amount of congestion in pathways has escalated which leads to large-scale accidents.
Car
is a popular mean of travel due to its convenience and term of speed
many
people
choose
rather
motor
car
. As a consequence streets all owe
extremely crowded
with vehicles,
especially
during peak hours.
this
occurrence carry to extreme number of road accidents.
Though
travels in
cars
suffer fewer deaths journey pedestrians to be at several
risk
.
it
is estimated
that motor vehicles collisions caused 1. 23 million death
only
in 2010This chaos will not
stopped
unless
people
launch appropriate solution; such as putting to
use
public transportation which is beneficial
because
mass transport conveys more
people
than individual, which
keeps
traffic congestion lower.
however
, the commute is by far the cheapest and safest. In order to persuade public to apply for community transport, the
government
is meant
to enhance the quality of it,
make
more frequent
stops
as well
as ensure not
stopped
station security. Thereby, it will be possible to diminish the dependence on
cars
that
many
urban centers have
prevent
maturity of death
indeed
to vehicles
To conclude
, despite rising number of after my bills
developing countries
by the agency of administration it will be likely to decrease
some
more
incommodies
and
some
millions of
lives
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IELTS essay In developing countries people are buying cars for the first time. What problems can cause? Is there any possible solutions?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
219 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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