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In countries where there is a high rate of unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In countries where there is a high rate of unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job. with this statement? gKBl
It is often argue that secondary education does not make any sense in places where illustrate upward trend of unemployment. They consider that primary education is sufficient in that cases. I completely disagree with this opinion and think that knowledge satisfaction is crucial to diminish the number of people who have no particular job. First of all, I believe that only the people who have adequate knowledge are able to improve the countries where there is high percentage of joblessness. Because, today unemployment is one of the global issue, therefore durable plans which are organized by erudited people, can descent that rate in comparison to hire by offering the pupils who observe only primary education. For example, it is clear that some countries, including Senegal, Haiti and Kenyo show the highest rate of unemployment according to researchers, while other countries reveal the lowest rate. The big difference between them is education, it means that the countries whose population in offering secondary or high education are considered the lowest percent. Second of all, some people claim that hiring the pupils who have secondary education is unnecessary and I totally disagree with it, the reason why I consider that in terms of the former drawback, secondary children have stronger desire to express their unique character at all costs, they might be addicted to alcohol. In conclusion, I strongly believe that young people should be educated to at least secondary level to enhance their country.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any sense in places where illustrate upward trend of unemployment. They consider that primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is sufficient in that cases. I completely disagree with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that knowledge satisfaction is crucial to diminish the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have no particular job.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have adequate knowledge are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where there is high percentage of joblessness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
unemployment is one of the global issue,
therefore
durable plans which
are organized
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
erudited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, can descent that rate
in comparison
to hire by offering the pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
observe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, including Senegal, Haiti and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kenyo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the highest rate of unemployment according to researchers, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
reveal the lowest rate. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difference between them is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, it means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
whose population in offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
or high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are considered
the lowest percent.

Second of all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that hiring the pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is unnecessary and I
totally
disagree with it, the reason why I consider that in terms of the former drawback,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
children have stronger desire to express their unique character at all costs, they might
be addicted
to alcohol.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be educated
to at least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
level to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.

IELTS essay In countries where there is a high rate of unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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