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Some people think that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Some people think that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. 7Ew5
In these days, competition will be rise day by day. There are number students who are achieve good marks in academics they deserves prize. I would concede that those students are average in study that praising students who achieve improvements is much more reasonable. i will confabulate the disparate views and my opinion. The first and the foremost one, there are plenty of reasons why awards should be given to the pupils having excellent performances. Firstly, they give the best in academic seeing that students often desire to win rewards. As a result, school children could be encouraged to put their effort into studying for the highest scores. Secondly, those students giving the best they have lot of well opportunities for those, which would be benefit for us such as scholarship. There are some previous views, i also believe that those students who are not more good in study camparison the toppers students but they will best from side, we should be encouraged to pupils because next time they will achieve good marks in academics. Furthermore, students have been motivated and confidence level increase. As a consequences, university students next time does the hard work for achieving more good marks in exams. In the campenidum, i pen down to saying that, although rewarding students with the highest scores is beneficial to some extents and it is also better to encouragement to those who have improved the level of academic performances, this is the best for motivate to pupils for achieving highest marks in the next time.
In these days, competition will be rise day by day. There are number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
Consider using a past participle here: "achieved".
achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marks
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "deserve"
deserves
prize. I would concede that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are average in study that praising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
achieve improvements is much more reasonable.
Did you mean "I"?
i
will confabulate the disparate views and my opinion. The
first
and the foremost one, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of reasons why awards should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the pupils having excellent performances.
Firstly
, they give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
seeing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
desire to win rewards.
As a result
, school children could
be encouraged
to put their effort into studying for the highest scores.
Secondly
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
giving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
they have
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
well opportunities for those, which would be benefit for us such as scholarship. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
previous views,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
also
believe that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
in study
Possible spelling mistake found.
camparison
the toppers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
from side, we should
be encouraged
to pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
next
time they will achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marks
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
been motivated
and confidence level increase. As
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a consequence" or simply "consequences"?
a consequences
, university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
next
time does the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work for achieving more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marks
in exams. In the
Possible spelling mistake found.
campenidum
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
pen down to saying that, although rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with the highest scores is beneficial to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extents and it is
also
better to encouragement to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performances, this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
for motivate to pupils for achieving
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marks
in the
next
time.
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IELTS essay Some people think that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
256 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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