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Impact of technology on our cognition

Impact of technology on our cognition AgRe1

According to research of Swing et al (2010), who researches the impact of television and video games on attention problem by following youngsters aged 6 to 12 years old who watched television and played video games for an average of 4. 26 hours per day throughout a 13-month period. Consequently, because of too much use of technology it caused those children to have an attention spans which leads to loss concentration and cannot focus on things they do.

According to research of Swing A dot is missing here: "et al."et al.
et al
 (2010), who researches the impact of television and video games on attention problem by following youngsters aged 6 to 12 years This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:ancientagedmature
old
 who This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :monitored
watched
 television and played video games for an average of 4. 26 hours per day throughout a 13-month period. Consequently
, This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:due to the factin light of the fact thatowing to the fact that
because
 of too much This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :exploit
use
 of technology it caused those children to have an attention spans which leads to loss concentration and cannot focus on things they do. 

IELTS essay Impact of technology on our cognition

Essay

American English

1 paragraphs

78 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 6.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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