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Immunisation programs can prevent common childhood illnesses. Should immunisation of children be compulsory or should parents have the right to reject such programs?

Immunisation programs can prevent common childhood illnesses. Should immunisation of children be compulsory or should parents have the right to reject such programs? m19AL
A currently contentious issue relates to whether vaccination programs should be mandatory so that youngsters will not suffer from sicknesses or whether parents should be free to choose if they get their children immunized. In this essay, I am going to explain why immunization has to be compulsory. First of all, immunization programs greatly contribute to the development of nations. In fact, such programs are said to be a driving force behind the economic advancement of developed countries. This is because vaccination reduces the number of children dying before they become five years old, providing countries with sufficient labour forces. For example, It is said that If vaccination became more common in African nations, where about 90 out of 1, 000 children pass away by the time they are five years old, they would lift themselves out of poverty. Secondly, most parents are not engaged in jobs in the medical fields. This means that they cannot make proper decisions concerning people’s health. For instance, there was a child killed by a terminal disease in Japan. The doctors who treated her suggested that she be vaccinated to recuperate from the sickness, but her father, who was not a medical practitioner, turned down the suggestion, leading to the death of the child. He firmly believed that if she received the vaccine, she would pass away. However, medical authorities claimed the completely opposite thing. With proper vaccination, she would still be alive. Some claim that the right should be given to parents to choose whether to immunize their children. This is because freedom of choice is the most fundamental principle of all. However, above all, people’s health must come first. To conclude, there seem to be more benefits than drawbacks to making immunization programs mandatory. Considering the preciousness of youngsters’ lives, there are no reasons governments should not make it illegal for parents to prevent children from being vaccinated.
A
currently
contentious issue relates to whether vaccination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
should be mandatory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that youngsters will not suffer from sicknesses or whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be free to choose if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
immunized. In this essay, I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why immunization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be compulsory.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, immunization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
greatly
contribute to the development of nations. In fact, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are said
to be a driving force behind the economic advancement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
vaccination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
dying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they become five years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, providing countries with sufficient
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
forces.
For example
, It
is said
that If vaccination became more common in African nations, where about 90 out of 1, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
pass away by the time they are five years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, they would lift themselves out of poverty.

Secondly
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not engaged in jobs in the medical fields. This means that they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
proper decisions concerning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health.
For instance
, there was a child killed by a terminal disease in Japan. The doctors who treated her suggested that she
be vaccinated
to recuperate from the sickness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
her father, who was not a medical practitioner, turned down the suggestion, leading to the death of the child. He
firmly
believed that if she received the vaccine, she would pass away.
However
, medical authorities claimed the completely opposite thing. With proper vaccination, she would
still
be alive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
claim that the right should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to choose whether to immunize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
freedom of choice is the most fundamental principle of all.
However
,
above all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
first
.

To conclude
, there seem to be more benefits than drawbacks to making immunization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
mandatory. Considering the preciousness of youngsters’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, there are no reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it illegal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
being vaccinated
.
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IELTS essay Immunisation programs can prevent common childhood illnesses. Should immunisation of children be compulsory or should parents have the right to reject such programs?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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