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If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer. N0gm
Everyone loves his hometown and wishes to make it comfortable place to live. There are various types of problems a person faces living in a community. Drinking water is the biggest problem of my hometown and I want to change source of drinking water at my place. In the following paragraphs, I shall give you a few reasons with example in support of my idea. Drinking water not a unique problem as it is faced by numerous areas all over the world. The underground of my town was very pleasant and contamination. on the contrary now, it is not that pure due to a number of industrial units and poor sewerage system. It is not drinkable now, so, we need an alternate source that is more reliable in terms of purity. There is a canal passing through the town and underground water alongside it is good to drink. I would like to spread pipe lines from canal to every populated part of town. The water we use already, has damaged the lives of several people. About hundreds of them are infected by HIV and many other life threatening viruses and bacteria. Moreover, the taste of water has also become very bad. Even at some points, people complain that its odour is foul. According to a survey conducted by the government, water of our area is not good for the health of residents. In conclusion, drinking water seems to be a big problem and requires a lot of effort and concentration from each citizen and specially from government. If I would have a chance to do good in favor of my society, I will work on it. Furthermore, I think, all of us should take part in this charitable task.
Everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
his hometown and wishes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it comfortable place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. There are various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
a person faces living in a community. Drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of my hometown and I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
source of drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
at my place. In the following paragraphs, I shall give you a few reasons with example in support of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Drinking
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water
not a unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
as it
is faced
by numerous areas all over the world. The underground of my town was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
pleasant and contamination.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the contrary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, it is not that pure due to a number of industrial units and poor sewerage system. It is not drinkable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, we need an alternate source
that is
more reliable in terms of purity. There is a canal passing through the town and underground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
alongside it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to drink. I would like to spread pipe lines from canal to every populated part of town.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
already, has damaged the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. About hundreds of them
are infected
by HIV and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other life threatening viruses and bacteria.
Moreover
, the taste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
has
also
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. Even at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
complain that its
Possible spelling mistake. 'odour' is British English.
odour
is foul. According to a survey conducted by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
of our area is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the health of residents.

In conclusion
, drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
seems to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort and concentration from each citizen and
specially
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. If I
Consider removing 'would'. (Usually, 'would' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless to make a request or give a polite order.)
would have
a chance to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in favor of my society, I will work on it.
Furthermore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, all of us should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in this charitable task.

IELTS essay If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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