Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

If you could change anything about your country , what would you change?

If you could change anything about your country, what would you change? 9LGNW
If i could change anything about my country India. I would try to make gender equality all over the nation by providing free education to girl child and protect every rights of the women. Gender equality is very important for progress because of following reasons. Firstly, there is a male dominant society in India from the centuries ago. Sexism promotes various ill behavior in the society. Therefore, crimes like rape, acid attacks on women, abuse and Dowri-custom are very common in some parts of India till date. As for example, in Dowri custom, in order to get married, woman's parents need to give some amount of money or expensive gifts such as cars, house to the man's family. Many women got killed because of insufficient Dowri given by the parents. This must need to be stopped, parents of a woman should focus on educating their girls rather than spending money on these kind of unfortunate weddings to stop the violent behavior of the male dominant society. On the other hand, the government of India should make education for every girl child for free to encourage the parents to fulfill their girls dreams. Secondly, there are several rural areas where people still believe that a girl is meant to stay at home and serve the family. Therefore, women from some parts of the country are always remain dependent on their family. Parents make their girls to stay away from all the attractions like watching television, playing with their younger brothers or sisters instead of that they make them working in the kitchen and learning the responsibilities of raising the children and nurturing the home from very young age. As for example, during my primary education, one of my friends suddenly stopped attending the school. When I asked my professor for the reason he said, her family members thought that getting an education is a waste of time and their girl should focus on learning household work. Later I found out that girl did suicide at age of twenty. If I could get a chance in future I would appeal the court to pass a law to provide a girl child education till the college compulsory; and give a penalty to those who do not believe in girl child education and upbringing. Lastly, our nation has progressed and got better in order to bring gender equality. As for example, Kalpana chawla was the first lady of our nation to got in to the national institute of space and aeronautics (NASA) of america, There are several lady doctors and lady police officer overall who got succeed in their field. Actress form the Bollywood ( Indian film industry) got recognition in various world class TV shows and movies. But overall, There are still 1 in 20 woman got raped in the villages and ruler area of India. Therefore, special attention by Indian government and united nation, is needed in order to give justice to thousands of innocent lives. In conclusion, because of the above mentioned reasons I believe that our nation, India still a poor country. And I strongly recommend strict steps should be taken in order to make community safer for a girl child to grow and enjoy equal rights and quality of life.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
Did you mean "I"?
i
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
anything about my country India. I would try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
gender equality all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
by providing free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and protect every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "right"?
rights
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. Gender equality is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for progress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of following reasons.

Firstly
, there is a male dominant society in India from the centuries ago. Sexism promotes various ill behavior in the society.
Therefore
, crimes like rape, acid attacks on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, abuse and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dowri-custom
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of India till date. As
for example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dowri
custom, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married, woman's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of money or expensive gifts such as cars,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
killed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of insufficient
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dowri
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of a woman should focus on educating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
rather
than spending money on
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of unfortunate weddings to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the violent behavior of the male dominant society.
On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of India should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
for free to encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to fulfill their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
dreams.

Secondly
, there are several rural areas where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
is meant
to stay at home and serve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the country are always
Consider using a past participle here: "remained".
remain
dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
to stay away from all the attractions like watching television, playing with their younger brothers or sisters
instead
of that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them working in the kitchen and learning the responsibilities of raising the children and nurturing the home from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age. As
for example
, during my primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, one of my friends
suddenly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
attending the school. When I asked my professor for the reason he said, her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that getting an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a waste of time and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
should focus on learning household work. Later I found out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
did suicide at age of twenty. If I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance in future I would appeal the court to pass a law to provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
till the college compulsory; and give a penalty to those who do not believe in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and upbringing.

Lastly
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
has progressed and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
better in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to bring gender equality. As
for example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalpana
Possible spelling mistake found.
chawla
was the
first
lady of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
in to the national institute of space and aeronautics (NASA) of
Possible spelling mistake found.
america
, There are several lady doctors and lady police officer
overall
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
succeed in their field. Actress
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "forms".
form
the Bollywood
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
Indian film industry)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
recognition in various world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and movies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
overall
, There are
still
1 in 20 woman
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
raped in the villages and ruler area of India.
Therefore
, special attention by Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and united
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
,
is needed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to give justice to thousands of innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the above mentioned reasons I believe that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, India
still
a poor country. And I
strongly
recommend strict steps should
be taken
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
community safer for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to grow and enjoy equal rights and quality of life.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay If you could change anything about your country, what would you change?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
541 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • If you could change anything about your country , what would you change?