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If you can invent a new thing, what will you choose to invent and why?

If you can invent a new thing, what will you choose to invent and why? MMrV9
A lot of people on this Earth thought that they do not have adequate things for their life. But they anticipate other' assets, and all they want is being another one. Depend on the desiration of them all, I would decide to make if I could, an object called The Sharing Machine. This essay below will explain accurately about The Sharing Machine, what does it mean and how does it work? First of all, to my imagination, it is a machine that can switch or sharing an aspect or the whole body of two people who stay inside it. For example, I was a skinny person, and my friend was a huge guy. When the enginery started, it would cut down a part of my friend, his fat, and assembled it to me and after that we would have an absolutely perfect appearance appropriated to our demands. Does it amazing? Secondly, not just what I told you, this application can also sharing and helping others' emotions, or their ideas. Here is how does it work. If I have just broken up with my fiance, and I felt so depressive, some abominable things apparented in my mind like suicide. This Sharing Machine would transfer my feelings to another who is using the machine. As the result, I would be more optimistic and can get through that hard time. Or I can easily told everyone else how am I thinking, if I could not spoke it oultloud. Albeit all this advantages points, this engine still have some problem that can be the enormous hole of itself. Because it is use to share the thoughts, it can also move somethings that we should not be shared, like our secrets. So here an advice for you: Before using this, you should rethink carefully for not being regret. In conclusion, this essay deployment why do I develop The Sharing Machine if I could, and how would it affect this world in the better way or in the worse way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on this Earth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that they do not have adequate things for their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they anticipate other' assets, and all they want is being another one. Depend on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
desiration
of them all, I would decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
if I could, an object called The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Machine
. This essay below will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
accurately
about The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Machine
, what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
it mean and how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
it work?

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, to my imagination, it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
that can switch or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
an aspect or the whole body of two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who stay inside it.
For example
, I was a skinny person, and my friend was a huge guy. When the
Possible spelling mistake found.
enginery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down a part of my friend, his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, and assembled it to me and after that we would have an
absolutely
perfect appearance appropriated to our demands.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Does
it amazing?

Secondly
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
what I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
you, this application can
also
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "share"
sharing
and helping others' emotions, or their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. Here is how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
it work. If I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
broken up with my
'fiance' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "fiancé"
fiance
, and I felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
depressive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
abominable things
Possible spelling mistake found.
apparented
in my mind like suicide. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Machine
would transfer my feelings to another who is using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
. As the result, I would be more optimistic and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
through that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time. Or I can
easily
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "tell"
told


everyone else how am I thinking, if I could not
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
spoke
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
oultloud
.

Albeit all this advantages points, this engine
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problem that can be the enormous hole of itself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it is
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
share the thoughts, it can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
somethings that we should not
be shared
, like our secrets.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
here
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "advice".
an advice
for you:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
using this, you should rethink
carefully
for not being regret.

In conclusion
, this essay deployment why do I develop The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Machine
if I could, and how would it affect this world in the better way or in the worse way.
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IELTS essay If you can invent a new thing, what will you choose to invent and why?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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