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If someone under the age of 18 commits a crime, he or she needs education rather than punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

If someone under the age of 18 commits a crime, he or she needs education rather than punishment. with this statement? 5LkQA
Nowadays there is a disputable argument between people from different countries and diverce religion and race. It contains to crime and a number of them believe that criminal have to be punished, even he or she is underage. However, the other society do not accept that and they think the juvenile delinquent should be educated in imprisonment. I'm a strong advocate of the second approach, and in this essay I will explain the repercussions of both ideas. From my perspective nobody will be regretted by punishment only. Specially in case of youngsters. Evidence suggests to be soft on crime and instead of falling a teenager behind, use rehabilitation to reintegrate back into society. In support of the previous view, I believe that literacy is likewise effective. Hence, we need strong infrastructure to help people, particularly youths. On the other hand, a number of people believe that no matter how old is a criminal, they have to be punished and their proof is that this is the best way to discourage someone of crime However, I want to give an example to say why hard punishment is totally detrimental. Every year a large number of people who commit a crime, suicide. I would like to conclude by saying that if you consider all the benefits and drawbacks of both opinion, you will find out that punishment won't lead any beneficial thing. I believe that in the future we might have less crime and this dream comes true if the governments change some rules and punishments.
Nowadays there is a disputable argument between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and
Possible spelling mistake found.
diverce
religion and race. It contains to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and a number of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that criminal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be punished
, even he or she is underage.
However
, the other society do not accept
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
that and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the juvenile delinquent should
be educated
in imprisonment. I'm a strong advocate of the second approach, and in this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the repercussions of both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

From my perspective nobody will
be regretted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
Specially
in case of youngsters. Evidence
The verb 'suggests' is used with the gerund form: "suggests being".
suggests to be
soft on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and
instead
of falling a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
behind,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
rehabilitation to reintegrate back into society. In support of the previous view, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that literacy is
likewise
effective.
Hence
, we need strong infrastructure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
particularly
youths.

On the other hand
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that no matter how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is a criminal, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be punished
and their proof is that this is the best way to discourage someone of crime

However
, I want to give an example to say why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is
totally
detrimental. Every year
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, suicide.

I would like
to conclude
by saying that if you consider all the benefits and drawbacks of both opinion, you will find out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
won't lead any beneficial thing. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that in the future we might have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and this dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
true if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
.
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IELTS essay If someone under the age of 18 commits a crime, he or she needs education rather than punishment. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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