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IF SOME PEOPLE GET A CHANCE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN LIFE WITHOUT WORK A ND SPENDING MOST OF TIME WORKING, THEN THEY COULD CHOOSE NOT WORK. AGREE OR DISAGREE.

IF SOME PEOPLE GET A CHANCE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN LIFE WITHOUT WORK A ND SPENDING MOST OF TIME WORKING, THEN THEY COULD CHOOSE NOT WORK. AGREE OR DISAGREE. Q2DjX
Number of people select to not to work if they are given a chance to live while compared with spending most of the time working. In my opinion this statement is true to an extent on contrary to some people choose to spend majority of time in work which they consider as their passion. One the one hand, a greater part people live without working if they had funds for their daily needs. Firstly, people are interested in utilising their time in enjoyable activities other than their profession. Secondly, they consider work as a stressful job rather than a livings. Finally, leisure time attributes them a pleasure and moreover, a calming effect. Due to this reason majority of population love to prefer leisure over their job. One the other hand, aspirants fond of following their passion are likely to utilise their time to enhance their productivity and efficacy to cite an example, most of artists who loved their profession are more likely to spend their time in drawing and painting or any related works. They had interest to develop their skills and to outperform. A minor group of people stay in their activities in order to serve nation or society namely scientists and social workers. In particular, in this pandemic vaccines are developed by this skilled scientists moreover they stayed in their labs for months to produce this. To conclude, considerably large margin of people love to live without employment but a fraction of people utilise their period for enhancing their skills.
Number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
select
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
while compared with spending most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
working. In my opinion this statement is true to an extent on contrary to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to spend
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which they consider as their passion.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, a greater part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without working if they had funds for their daily needs.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in enjoyable activities other than their profession.
Secondly
, they consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a stressful job
rather
than
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a living" or simply "livings"?
a livings
.
Finally
, leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
attributes them a pleasure and
moreover
, a calming effect. Due to this reason majority of population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to prefer leisure over their job.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, aspirants fond of following their passion are likely to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enhance their productivity and efficacy to cite an example,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the artists") or simply say "most artists".
most of artists
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
their profession are more likely to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in drawing and painting or any related works. They had interest to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and to outperform.

A minor group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay in their activities in order to serve nation or society
namely
scientists and social workers.
In particular
, in this pandemic vaccines
are developed
by this skilled scientists
moreover
they stayed in their labs for months to produce this.

To conclude
,
considerably
large margin of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without employment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a fraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
their period for enhancing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
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IELTS essay IF SOME PEOPLE GET A CHANCE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN LIFE WITHOUT WORK A ND SPENDING MOST OF TIME WORKING, THEN THEY COULD CHOOSE NOT WORK. AGREE OR DISAGREE.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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