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IETLS WRITING TASK 2 - ÍS MAKING PROFITS MAJOR PURPOSE OF ENTERPRISES?

IETLS WRITING TASK 2 - ÍS MAKING PROFITS MAJOR PURPOSE OF ENTERPRISES? NljOd
Profits are assumed to be the priority of an entrepreneur, tremendously affecting the development of the economy. Therefore, many people think that the optimal aim of businesses is to make money, and they should concentrate only on this. From my point of view, I partly agree with this opinion. On the one hand, there is no denying that the primary goal of businesses is to make numerous profits. Enterprises have to earn money to make up for the money they spent or take out loans to build and open the business. Depending on the scale of each company, they have to pay for many expenses to handle their basic business operations such as electricity bills, staff salaries (labour cost) or necessary equipment. In addition, companies need a healthy source of finance to run their business and invest in innovations and expansion. On the other hand, profits are not the unique factor, which assures sustainable development of an enterprise in a stiffly competitive marketplace. To maintain their viability and growth, businesses need to invest in training their staff and setting up a supportive working environment. Professional, skilled and loyal employees who are willing to devote themselves to the company are invaluable to an enterprise. Alongside making money, companies target at building up a respectful image in the public's eye by the meaningful contributions to society. What they do for the communities where their employees and customers live will profitably return in the future. In conclusion, though making profits is the prerequisite for an enterprise to survive, I believe that other related factors are equally vital for its healthy and sustainable development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Profits
are assumed
to be the priority of an entrepreneur,
tremendously
affecting the development of the economy.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the optimal aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, and they should concentrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on this. From my point of view, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

On the one hand, there is no denying that the primary goal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Enterprises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they spent or take out loans to build and open the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. Depending on the scale of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
expenses to handle their basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
operations such as electricity bills, staff salaries (
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
cost) or necessary equipment.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
need a healthy source of finance to run their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and invest in innovations and expansion.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
are not the unique factor, which assures sustainable development of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enterprise
in a
stiffly
competitive marketplace. To maintain their viability and growth,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
need to invest in training their staff and setting up a supportive working environment. Professional, skilled and loyal employees who are willing to devote themselves to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
are invaluable to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enterprise
. Alongside making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
target at building up a respectful image in the public's eye by the meaningful contributions to society. What they do for the communities where their employees and customers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
will
profitably
The usual collocation for "return" is "to" not "in" with. Did you mean "return to"?
return in
the future.

In conclusion
, though making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
is the prerequisite for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enterprise
to survive, I believe that other related factors are
equally
vital for its healthy and sustainable development.
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IELTS essay IETLS WRITING TASK 2 - ÍS MAKING PROFITS MAJOR PURPOSE OF ENTERPRISES?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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