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Development of communication technology and travel. It's has advantages outweigh disadvantages

Development of communication technology and travel. It's has advantages outweigh disadvantages G9nOB
It is irrefutable to advancement of telecommunication and travel. people can live in any part of world. this essay will discuss the merits which out number of than its demerits. People have more choices of jobs because of advancement of technology. As a consequences people never get bored To do their work in which they have interested. owing to which people can work and any company in which they have more interest secondly, the different modes of transport because of which, travelling has become easy. As a result, a person can coverd their routes in 5 hours before, Now they cover in 1 or 2 hours. Moreover, youngones who move to othor countries for study and work. as a result, they feel homesick. mobile, laptop and computer help to easily communicate with their family and friends in just a blink of eye. However the main limitation is that people prefer more private vehicle rather than use of public transport and can get handsome salary. Because of which it realese toxic gases in atmosphere Because of advancement of Telecommunication thus, People have not need to going outside from home to meet someone It is a cause of air pollution Secondly the life have become sendentary They preferred technology to communication with other as a result body movement is less and it makes people lazy and people can get sick In conclusion there are more advantages than disadvantage of Advanced technology and travel
It is irrefutable to advancement of telecommunication and travel.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in any part of world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
essay will discuss the merits which out number of than its demerits.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have more choices of jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advancement of technology.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a consequences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored To do their work in which they have interested.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
owing
to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can work and any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in which they have more interest

secondly
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
modes of transport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which, travelling has become easy.
As a result
, a person can
Possible spelling mistake found.
coverd
their routes in 5 hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
they cover in 1 or 2 hours.
Moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngones
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
othor
countries for study and work.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
a result, they feel homesick.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
mobile
, laptop and computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
easily
communicate with their family and friends in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a blink of eye.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the main limitation is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer more private vehicle
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of public transport

and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
handsome salary.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of which it
Possible spelling mistake found.
realese
toxic gases in atmosphere

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of advancement of Telecommunication

thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "needed".
need
to going outside from home to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
someone

It is a cause of air pollution
Secondly
the life have become
Possible spelling mistake found.
sendentary


They preferred technology to communication with other
as a result
body movement is less and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick
In conclusion
there are more advantages than disadvantage of Advanced technology and travel
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IELTS essay Development of communication technology and travel. It's has advantages outweigh disadvantages

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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