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I really really really love roblox so I write it

I really really really love roblox so I write it 95bLx
I really like Roblox. I joined in March of 2018 from my brother named Tom. He introduced Roblox when I was watching Minecraft, and he showed my some tycoon games and simulation games. My very first account on the site is called diskpartiton. My very first game played was Mining Simulator. Then my brother showed another game on Roblox named Jailbreak. I really like it! One day, I saw a guy named "thekingonearth" and then created the THEWATERONEARTH account. I knew a lot of games on that account, such as Adopt Me, Theme Park Tycoon 2, . . . One day, I wanted to change my name, but it costed 1000 robux, so that's why WilliamBlueShirts is born! I knew even more games, such as: Epic Minigames. Lab Experiment, Flood Escape, . . . Anyways, I really like Roblox. Thank you.
I
really
like Roblox. I
joined
in
March of 2018
from my brother named Tom. He introduced Roblox when I was watching Minecraft, and he
showed
my
some
tycoon
games
and simulation
games
. My
very
first
account on the site
is called
diskpartiton
. My
very
first
game played was Mining Simulator. Then my brother
showed
another game on Roblox named Jailbreak. I
really
like it! One day, I
saw
a guy named
"
thekingonearth
"
and then created the
THEWATERONEARTH
account. I knew
a lot of
games
on that account, such as Adopt Me, Theme Park Tycoon 2
, .
.
.
One day, I wanted to
change
my name,
but
it costed 1000
robux
,
so
that's why
WilliamBlueShirts
is born
! I knew even more
games
, such as: Epic
Minigames
. Lab Experiment, Flood Escape
, .
.
.
Anyways, I
really
like Roblox. Thank you.
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IELTS essay I really really really love roblox so I write it

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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