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human threatening their life

human threatening their life G96be
In fact, human developments are threatening the survival of many animal species, which pushes them on the verge of extinction. This essay will discuss reasons and find out the keys to handling the problem. There are many explanations for the disappearance of species due to human activities. Maybe the principal cause of this is deforestation. Urban sprawl causes woodlands to give place to houses and roads by cutting down trees, and even excessive logging turns jungles into bare land, which results in fewer wild animals’ natural habitats and no place for them to reproduce. Another factor is human industrial activities. Toxic sewage and untreated garbage are given off by industrial factories and household activities into the sea, so water contamination is inevitable, which brings the marine ecosystem to the brink of extinction. In addition, a lot of animal species are being poached due to an increased demand for products made from body parts of animals. For instance, people use crocodile skin to make designer bags with the sky-high cost that is considered as a symbol of luxury. Thus, it is necessary to take appropriate and timely measures to prevent such incidents. There are several ways to tackle this development. First of all, the government needs to carry out drastic measures such as promulgating severe punishment like life imprisonment in order to prevent wild animals from being illegally hunted uncontrollably, or constructing wildlife sanctuaries to conserve those species. Not only the government, but people also should be responsible for protecting the ecosystem. Citizens are encouraged to boycott products made from animals’ skin so as to stop the rampant hunting of those animals. Additionally, we should take measures to treat waste from industrial operations before dumping it into the sea or rivers to keep the water environment clean. If they do otherwise, they will be punished according to the policies and regulations. In conclusion, it is apparent that problems which is caused by human moments are extremely serious. So, it is imperative to put appropriate protection measures.
In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
developments are threatening the survival of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species, which pushes them on the verge of extinction. This essay will discuss reasons and find out the keys to handling the problem.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
explanations for the disappearance of species due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
activities. Maybe the principal cause of this is deforestation. Urban sprawl causes woodlands to give place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and roads by cutting down trees, and even excessive logging turns jungles into bare land, which results in fewer wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
natural habitats and no place for them to reproduce. Another factor is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
industrial activities. Toxic sewage and untreated garbage are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
off by industrial factories and household activities into the sea,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
water contamination is inevitable, which brings the marine ecosystem to the brink of extinction.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species are
being poached
due to an increased demand for products made from body parts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
crocodile skin to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
designer bags with the sky-high cost that
is considered
as a symbol of luxury.
Thus
, it is necessary to take appropriate and timely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such incidents.

There are several ways to tackle this development.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to carry out drastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
such as promulgating severe punishment like life imprisonment in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from being
illegally
hunted
uncontrollably
, or constructing wildlife sanctuaries to conserve those species. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
should be responsible for protecting the ecosystem. Citizens
are encouraged
to boycott products made from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
skin
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the rampant hunting of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Additionally
, we should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
to treat waste from industrial operations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
dumping it into the sea or rivers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the water environment clean. If they do
otherwise
, they will
be punished
according to the policies and regulations.

In conclusion
, it is apparent that problems which
is caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
moments are
extremely
serious.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is imperative to put appropriate protection
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
.
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IELTS essay human threatening their life

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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